Subpar Smush Broas Mishan Forum God 2: The REEL Sekwel!-THE SMACKDOWN!
by Imagination is king
Summary: They completed the first one, but now they have to finish the sequel so they can save Lauren from a mysterious figure. (It's probably Sara, but, we digress...) Well, you get to see King, Link, Samus, and Pit (Plus guests.) lose it. Hah... Someone get me the brain bleach... (AND WE KNOW ABOUT THE RULES FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.)
1. AW HELL NAW!

Sara: I cant wai to go to your inebreation!

King: Yeah... No.

Sara: *Turns around to see King sitting cross-legged on the ground.* YU!

King: Da. But, not just me. Them too.

Link: **Hello.**

Samus: **Lovely weather to murder your sorry ass.**

Sara: Lonk? Butt... Your mi ovesear!

Link: **HA! Please...**

Samus: **Now. I'll start at the legs, and you start at the head...**

Sara: But... I WON!

King: *Stands up and tips hat down.* Yeah, no. See, we came here to kick your ass, and then, we set the timeline back to the way it was. *Levels shotgun at Sara's chest.* NOW! *Fires.*

Samus and Link: *Do things too bloody and violent for a T-rating...*

King: Oh, one more thing! *Headshots Justin Bieber.* Now for X to do her part...

Lauren: *At the doorstep.* W-what the... *Eyes turn from green, to blue.* Ugh, where the hell am I... Am I in a dress? THE F***? And... Who the hell is- HOLY S***. Someone killed Sara!

*Everything starts going white.*

Lauren: Aw craPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP-

*Poof!*

-(One Month Later...)-

Lauren: Hah, still, if I told anyone that, I'd be put in a straitjacket...

Lauren's Mom: DINNER TIME!

Lauren: COMING! Well, guess I'll have to get back to my homework later...

*Rooms darkens.*

Lauren: ?

*A shadowy figure appears out of nowhere and grabs Lauren.*

Lauren: HEY! PUT ME DOWN!

Shadowy Figure: ... *Knocks Lauren Unconsious, before disappearing.*

Lauren Mom's: What happened- Lauren?!

King: F*** NO YOU CAN'T EAT IT. I BOUGHT IT, IT'S MINE!

Narrator: THAT PIZZA'S HUGE. YOU'RE BEING A JERK!

Lucina: CAN IT, I'M TRYING TO WATCH THE NEWS!

Reporter: In other news, a girl was found missing today. Police are baffled as to how she dissapeared, as nothing was missing, no one heard anyhting except for the girl screaming. The girl's name is Lauren...

Lucina: Lauren huh. Hasn't been long since we heard that name...

Imagi: No kidding. I'm still trying to get over that story in my head...

Wendell: Well, at least nothing more exist fom that Abomination!

*Ding!*

King: Hold on, got an email...

To: Imagination is King.

Subject: Repayment...

I have Lauren with me. And if you want any proof, I have a video... But, included as well is a link. In there is a story. Finish it, and you may have Lauren back. Don't... Well, that scene from Spanners outta give you a good idea.

King: *Clicks the video link.*

Lauren: *Gagged.* HELP!

?: You ready to comply yet King? Or, do I have to get personal with this one... *Slides a sword across Lauren's cheek.*

King: ... Well, let's see the story. *Opens link.*

*Subpar Smush Broas Mishan Forum God 2: The REEL Sekwel! LAUREN U R DUM *

King: Oh no...

Narrator: *Visibly paling.* F*** us man... F*** us...

Lucina: What's the matter-

Imagi: You two finally shut up-

Wendell: Finally found a girlfriend-

All: ... HOLY F***!

 **Imagi: Kill us now...**

 **Just accept it and move on. Now, how many chap- FOURTY-ONE?! SHE MADE FOURTY-ONE CHAPTERS FOR THIS PIECE OF CRAP?!**


	2. BEST CHARACTER YET!

**We can do this...**

 **Imagi: Otherwise the gun store will be missing some of it's stock.**

* * *

Thes is the firt chaptar of my storey. Oregonally i wuz guna hav Mart be the on who cums in my scole

 **Narrator:** _ **Don't laugh...**_

buthan I didant finesh writen this yestarday and than a noo caractor was putin the gaem today. I think its a sine frum God to maek him my bofrend in thes storey.

 **Me: That or you're a shallow wh***.**

 **Wendell: O.O**

ALSO LAUREN U R DUM!

 **Lucina: AH!**

AND I SAWED A PICTAR OF UR NEW GURLFREN ON THE INTRANET AND EVAN THOS SHES NOT FAT (LIEK I WAS HOPPING) SHE DOSE HAS A RELLY BIG NOES SO I THANK SHE MITE BE JEWASH!

 **Imagi: ... Really? Did we really go there. Did we really?**

I CAN SEE WY UR STIL USEN EVUL MAJAK

 **Wendell: Apparently the power of wearing pants and woman milk.**

2 PUT LESBAN THOTS IN MY HED AND TRY TO TURD ME IN2 A LESBAN BECUZ IM SO MUK PRITTER THAN THE GURL UR DATEN NOW!

 **Me: I find that... Physically impossible to believe.**

BUT IT WONT WERK IM STRATE!

 **All: BULLS***!**

CHAP 1: SARAS NOO ANVENTOR

 **Imagi: YES, NO ADVENTURE.**

* * *

I was siten in my meth class and my techar Mr Sandarsan was bein reely meen.

 **Wendell: I feel like we've been here before, have we been here before?**

Liek jus 2day in reel lief aksed be a queston abot wy my handwritan on my homwerk is difrant frum on my furst quiz of the scole yer (wich startad thes weak) and also wy i do relly wel on homewurk but not on the quoz. I cant tel him that my parants do my homwork 4 me

 **Me: YOU LUCKY B****!**

becuz Barak Obaba maed haven ur parrots do ur homewrok ilegal. Barak Obana prolly maed that law so id fale hi scule and hav 2 get a pore persan job and liv on welfar.

 **Lucina: A, you could study. B, the hell's wrong with wellfare? I've got a friend who spends her days helping homeless getting a meal, so you shut the f*** up about that.**

But teh joaks on him becuz my parants r so ric that ican liv on inharatans 4evar and wil nevar be a lazey pore persan evan if i dont graduat hi skool (wich i wil becuz im reely smart).

 **Narrator: How's your english grade doing?**

Also Mr Sandarsan is blak so he prolly votad 2 Oboma and wants 2 taek munny frum my famely adn otter hard-werking job craters 2 putin Obomacar so that pore pepole wil get helth car they dont deserv becuz they didant ern it.

 **Wendell: (Table flip.) HOW DO PEOPLE PUT UP WITH HER?!**

So aneyway Mr Sandarsan was bein meen 2 me by callen on me 2 anser a queston frum the homwork that my parants did 4 me. Butthan alof a sudan the dore to the clasrom opaned. I thot it mite be God lik last tim but it wasant. It was a britesh guy with blod hare who had a majek sord caled the Morondo.

 **Me: No...**

It was Sholk.

 **Me: NONONONONO-**

 **Lucina: Still there.**

 **Me: NO!**

"Sara u ned 2 blody cum with me!" he sed, "Lauren lerned the secrete way in2 hevan wen she wuz pretendin 2 be ur frend.

 **Imagi: Really. That's REALLY the story you're going with. Hah...**

And she tolled Satin and Oboma and they concurred hevan and captared God and Jesas!

 **Me: I'm a bit rusty on this but... Aren't they the same person? God? Whatever bugallo they're saying now?**

Its impassible 4 God and Jesas to turd gay becuz they cant sin but if there captared than Satin rools hevan. U ned 2 cum 2 Nentindo wrold agen to fined ot how 2 saev them."

"Ok" i sed and i gotted ot of my seet.

 **Wendell: Seriously, I have Deja Vu like you wouldn't believe right now...**

"SIT UR FYNE WITE A** DOWN SARA OR ILL BUSTA CAPE IN UR A**" sed Mr Sandarsan and he puled ot a gun and holded it on its sid ganestar stile.

 **Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... I'M SORRY, BUT THAT WAS FREAKIN' AMAZING!**

"No u bloddy wont u wankar (I lerned that thats in insalt in the langage they speek in Briten so Sholk isant gonna cal me a wankar)" Sholk sed.

 **Lucina: Doesn't bloody mean bad?**

 **Narrator: Give me a sec. (Puts on top hat, monocle, and fake fluffy mustache.) Yes it good lass!**

 **Lucina:** _ **The f*** just happened?**_

"UR KRAKEN A** BETAR GES AGEN!" Mr Sandarsan sed. He shat a ballet at Sholk but Sholk can c the futur and he dogged it.

 **Imagi: He's just dying of laughter on the couch now...**

 **Me: HAHAHHAHA- HE'S THE BEST THING EVER!**

"AW HELL NAW!" Mr Sandarsan shat moar ballets at Sholk butt Sholk dogged tham 2. Than we herd sirans and the polise came all over the room.

 **Narrator: (Opens mouth.)**

 **Lucina: (Points gun at Narrator.)**

 **Narrator: (Closes mouth.)**

"YO F*** THE POLITE DOG!" Mr Sandarsan sed.

 **Wendell: And it just wanted a ham sandwich...**

"Mr Sandarsan u hav a warant ot 4 ur arest 4 rappen wite womans and 4 sellin drug" the polaris chef sed.

 **Lucina: Are talking specifics or was it like that one house at Halloween everyone goes to because they give out GIANT handfuls?**

"ULL NEVAR TAEK ME ALIV HOMELY!" Mr Sandarsan sed.

Mr Sandarsan gotted in2 a gunfite with the polise and they shat him ded. Than the polise laft the rome and the otter stoodants gotted ot boks 4 studey hal becuz we cant hav matt class if r matt teecher is ded.

 **Wendell: That's... actually, valid.**

 **Imagi: Wow.**

"Sara u ned 2 hurray" Sholk sed "God and Jesas stil ned 2 be saev!"

"rite" i sed "also ho did u no abot God and Jesas bean captar?"

"Well im Britesh and the Queen of Briten is teeming up with Harey Potar to try to maek Amerka in2 Britesh colons agen.

 **Me: Um, according to that book, America has wizards too...**

Also Harey Potar tot Lauren the majek that shes usen 2 try 2 tune u in2 a lesban. Butt im a gud Britesh persan who wants 2 stap the Queen and Harey Potar and Satin and Obaka and Lauren" Sholk sed

 **Imagi: WAIT, HARRY POTTER AND THE QUEEN ARE THE BAD GUYS? HARRY MAYBE, BUT THE QUEEN? SHE'S SEEM LIKE A NICE ENOUGH LADY TO ME?**

 **Lucina: WHY ARE YOU YELLING?**

 **Imagi: I'M NOT, HE FORGOT TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK.**

"Im prolly gunna run 4 King of Briten in the nex elecshan 2 maek Briten a gud plase wer everone is Christen and we no that Amerka is betar than us. Also u can be my gurlfrend so that u can be Queen and also so everone will no ur not a lesban."

"Ok" I sed. So Me and Sholk wented back 2 teh Smahs Manshan 4 an advenitur. Wat wil hapen next? Fined ot next cahpter!

* * *

 **F*** NO HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE THE LAST STORY, AND SHE STILL SUCKS AT THIS!**


	3. GLOVE OF THE YEAR!

**I have no words...**

* * *

Im so gald that its satarday so i dont hav 2 be in skool. I toled my dad that i was wory abot failen and he sad it was ok becuz he donats lotsa munny 2 my scool and can tel the prinsipol and teh skool bored that he wont donat unles my grad is chang 2 passen grad if im failen.

 **Me: OKAY. F***. YOU. THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS. THAT SHOULDN'T BE HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS.**

He sed he did this for my bruther a few tims wen he wuz in hi skool and the skool alweys gived him wat he aksed. Im so hapey im not gona fale.

 **Me: (TABLE SMASH!)**

CHAP 2: NO PAPAL AT THE MANSHAN

* * *

Me and Sholk went 2 Nentendo wolrd and wer otsid the manshan. "U ned 2 meat al the pepole hera" Sholk sed. "I alredy met moast of tham last tim" I sed.

 **Narrator: You almost caused Samus to destroy our place...**

"Wel i wasant hear yet and so wer a buncha otter pepole so u ned 2 met tham" Sholk sed.

 **Imagi: THE OTTERS RETURN!**

Sudanly Mark waked ot of the manshan adn ther was a gurl withim who loked kinda liek him. She wuz relly pritty and had long bloo hare.

 **Lucina: Wait...**

"Hi agen Sara" March sed "this is my sitar Lucina."

 **Lucina: F********************************************************************-**

 **Me: I'm pretty sure that's incorrect...**

 **Wendell: According to the games, Lucina is a DESCENDANT of Marth.**

"Hi Lucina im Sara" I sed "ur relly pritty."

 **Lucina: -********************************************************-**

"Tanks r pritty 2" Lucina sed. Also Mark and Lucinas dad wasant Snaek. It wuz sum bloo-hared guy who got beated up by Capten Failcan (who i gess is the badguy of there gaems). C im doen reserk of thes caractors.

 **Imagi: No.**

 **Lucina: -*********************************************************-**

I remambered last tim i wuz otsid the manshan and meeted a gurl and she cal me pritty.

"Ur not a lesban, r u?" I sed.

"No ima Christen!" Lucina seemd made that i acused her of bein a lesban.

 **Lucina: -************************************************ (Breathes.) ************-**

"Thats grate. Im sorey i akused u of bein a lesban" I sed.

"Its ok i no u ned 2 be carefol or lesbans will rap u" Lucina sed, "butt i cant be a lesban becuz i hav a bofrend his naem is Roban."

 **Lucina: -**************************- Wait, what? -**************************-**

 **Imagi: WHEN WILL YOU SHUT UP?!**

"O ya that remineds me i hav a gurlfrend now her naem is also Roben. The 2 Robans r twin brothur an sistar butt there parants wernt vary kreatev with naems. We cal them Goy Roben and Gurl Roben so taht it isant confusen" Mark sed "also sens i hav a difrant gurlfrend we cant dat."

 **Me: I always went with Reflet with the female.**

 **Lucina: -************- Same. -***************************************************-**

 **Narrator: (Sweatdrop.)** _ **How long can she keep doing that?!**_

"Thats ok Sholk is my bofrend now" I sed. "Grate" Mart sed.

 **Wendell: ...**

 **Imagi: What the hell? No, seriously, the hell just happened?**

I new Lucina and me wode be grate frends. Adn weall wented in2 manshan 2 meat everone eels.

Tha new pepole in teh Manshan wer intrestin. I meated Lucinas bofrend Buy Roban and Marks gurlfrend Gorl Roban. Ther was Mageman who had a canen on his arm liek Samas so maybee hes Samas litol bruther (hoapfely he isant gay).

 **Me: HOW DID YOU PASS BIOLOGY... Right...**

Ther was Roselena who loked alot liek Peech. Ther was also Viloger and Wifit Tranner and ther wer boy an girl vershans of bothof them. Ther was Pakman and Grenigga who wer poakmons so they beleeved in evilushon and not God so i didant maek frends with them. Ther was the Mi Fitters and ther were three of tham with difrant wepons. Ther was Pollutena who is an angle liek Pete butt shes his bos or sumthin so i gess shes a moar impotent angle. And ther was Litol Mike who is a boxcar.

 **Narrator: Choo choo!**

Ther miteof ben otter pepole 2 but the gaem isnt relees yet so idont no abot tham if ur reeden this aftar the gaem is ot pritend i sed the otter pepole wer there. I also notesed al the otter pepole frum b4 wer there. Ther wer sum difrances liek Icke was moar musklar now (maybee he was sad that Lauren was lyen 2 him al along wen tehy wer daten and she was reely a lesban so he werked ot alot becuz thats how reel mans deel with sadnas. Thats the resin hes mor musklar in thes storey).

Sudanly Mastar Hanned flyed up.

 **Lucina: (Finally stops.)**

"Sara ur bak" he didant seem hapey 2 see me becuz hes a jurk who lissans 2 teh librul medea and beleevs al teh gud thins i do r ron. "Do u stil hav my paparwerk frum last tim" I sed. "No i throwed it ot becuz idont liek u" Mister Han sed.

 **Me: GLOVE OF THE YEAR EVERYONE, GLOVE OF THE YEAR!**

 **(Applause.)**

"Ur Meen!" I sed.

 **Narrator: No, he just happens to be the god of this world.**

 **Imagi: Thought that was Sakurai?**

 **Wendell: HE'S STILL AMAZING!**

"Its ok I new thes wode hapaned becuz ican c the futur so I alredy filed ot ur paparwerk agen 4 u" Sholk sed "u jus ned 2 sine it."

 **Lucina: F*********************-**

 ***THWACK!***

 **Imagi: SHUT UP!**

 **Lucina: Ow...**

"Yay" I sed. I sined the paparwerk and ther was noting Mastar Hen cold do 2 kep me otta tha Manshan. "Ucan shar a rome with Lucina i gess" Matterhorn sed. "Grate!" I sed. "Cum with me" Lucina sed. So we wented 2 her room wichwas also my room now. I new theens wode be grate and id be able to saev God and Jesas.

* * *

 **Lucina: I NEED TO SHOOT SOMETHING.**

 **Wendell: (Throws a pillow.)**

 **Lucina: *Shoots.***

 **Narrator: AGAIN?!**


	4. Wat

**(Eating Nachos.) I am now prepared for the apocalypse.**

 **Imagi: (Facepalm.)**

* * *

I see sum libruls r hear 2 say bad thins abot my storey agen.

 **Me: YAY!**

U libruls sholdnt doo that butt i thenk moast pepole who say my storey is bad r bean pade by Barak Obema (prolly with taxpayar dolers, 2) too maek me lok bad. Jus remamber that evan tho ur getan alota munny now ur stil gona go2 hell wen u die becuz of this.

Also 2moro is laber day so i get a tree day weakand. Tahts grate, butt i maye hav treble updat thes storey 2moro becuz on my mom wants me to leev the hose and hane ot with on of my frends 2moro wile my dads at werk. Maybee shes planen sumthin for my birtday (witch is wendsday! Im so exited! Im gona be fiften yers odd).

 **Imagi: She must have been a prodigy in B**** Fu.**

CHAP 3: SOMETHEN IS RONG

 **All: *Sarcasm.* Noooo...**

I was sleapen in Me and Lucinas bed wen sudanly the lodspekar in the rome startad talken with Mastur Hands vois. "Sara u ned 2 cum 2 teh arina 2 fite Capten Falken" Mastar Honda sed.

 **Imagi: He usally waits untill 10:00...**

Me and Lucina waked up. "U ned 2 fite Capton Futon?" Lucina sed "u ned to be carfol Capten Falcin is dangaros. He beeted up my fathur and alos me and my bruther and the Robans and Iek neded 2 teem up lotsa tims in r gaems to stop his evul planes."

 **Narrator: THE F*** DID HE DO?**

"Its ok" ised "i hav powars frum God that i can us 2 defet him." "tahts cool" Lucina sed.

So i wented 2 the areena 2 fit Capital Falcone. It wuz a 1-on-1 fite on teh fecal defenestration stag tahts teh stag withot anethin expect the flor 2 standon. Wen the mach beganed Capten Falken runed up2 me.

 **Me: Time for bulls***...**

"FALKIN..." he sed. I new he wuz gona us his Folcan Pinch atak witch wold reely hurt me if I didant us my powars frum God 2 activat my final smosh. So i tred 2 do that BUTT NOTING HAPANED!

 **All: ...**

 **Imagi: Wat.**

"... PONCH!" Kappa Vulcan sed. I wuz hit by teh atak and flyed of the stag and lots 1 of my liefs. I repared on a platfoam abov the stag butit vaneshed.

 **Me: Wat.**

"ONO!" I sed "HOW CANI WIN THES FITE WITHOT MY GOD POWARS!"

 **Wendell: Wat.**

"Dont giv up Sara!" Lucina sed "I beleev in u!"

 **Lucina: Wat.**

"Ya I beleev in u 2" Sholk sed "defeet taht bluddy wankar Capton Falcan."

 **Narrator: Wat.**

Sudanly a basbol bat apared on the stag and I garbed it. I did that theen wer u start glowen with the basbol bat and than hit reely hard. That cause Capten Falken 2 fly of the stag and los a lief so we wer both evan. Than I ussed mor items to keep up with him until we both onely had 1 lief left. Sudanly, a smash bell apared.

 **All: WAT?!**

 **Imagi: Am, am I in Heaven?**

"MWA HA HA!" Captan Falcan sed "Im gona us thes 2 beet u!"

He startad hitten the Smash Bal 2 try 2 getit to brake. Butthan a fan apared and i throwed it to knock Capten Falcen away frum the smash baal and braked it myslef. I wuz finaly abel 2 us my finale smash witch i did and it mad me tun in2 an angle liek b4 and I noked Capton Falkan of the stag agen and wan the mach.

 **Me: F***!**

"Yay u 1" Lucina and Sholk runned up 2 me wen the fite was ovar. "Ya but theres treble!" I sed "my God powars r gon!" "Ono! That must be becuz God is captar by Satin" Lucina sed.

 **Lucina: Or he was like, LOL nope, U no get powers B****!**

"Bluddy Hall!" Sholk sed "who had u defeet Satin and saev God and Jesas withot ur god powars!" "I dont no ill hav 2 thenk of sumthin" I sed.

Sudanly tho a reely big evul guy flyed up. It wuz the evul guy frum the end of the vido that shoed that Sholk wode be in Smash Broas. I dont no wat his naem is or wat he loks liek, butt if u no who he is than he loks exectly liek his dose in Sholks gaem. Al i no is taht he is relly big (becuz he has a big shado) and hecan fly.

 **Wendell: Best description of a villian ever...**

 **Narrator: THEY HAVE WIKIS FOR THIS EXACT THING.**

"Ono! Its teh bad guy frum my gam!" Sholk sed. Accept he sed the bad guys naym becuz he new it.

 **Me: You sure?! I'M PRETTY SURE HE KNOWS WHO METAL FACE IS DUMBA**.**

"MwaHaHa! Kween Lazerbath and Harey Potar sent me 2 bluddy captar Sara so that Lauren can rap her!" The Bad Guy sed. "Ur a bluddy wankar!" Sholk sed. "No ur a bluddy wankar!" the bad guy sed becuz they wer both Britesh.

 **Imagi: I'm not even British and I know a better one. Ahem... You barmy little bollocks sucker!**

Shark runed at teh badguy and tred 2 hit him with the Tornado sord butt the badguy noked the majak sord awey and then hit Sholk 2 nok him awey in a difrant director. Than Lucina tred 2 fite him butt he beet her 2. I new if i didant do sumthin the badguy wode win soi runed ovar and grabed the Monsanto frum the grond and hit the badguy a buncha tims withit.

 **Wendell: BULL!**

 **Imagi: You barny minger!**

 **Narrator: Stahp.**

"Stop doen that u wankar!" he sed. Butt son it wuz cleer i wode beet him so he gived up and flyed awey. Lucina and Sholk gotted up and I gived Sholk his sord bak. "Ono so the bad guy from my gaem is teemin up with all teh otter evul pepole! This is bluddy turible!" Sholk sed.

 **Lucina: No, it's utter bulls***.**

"I no rite!" Lucina sed "we ned 2 thenk of sumthin." "Maybe wecan thenk easer if we go get sum fode. Ucan breen ur bofrend and ur brothar and ur brothars gurlfrend" I sed. "Ok" Lucina sed.

 **Me: Three guesses were they're headed...**

So Lucina and Me and Sholk and Mart and the 2 Robans wented 2 chikfela 2 talk abot wat we shold do 2 fite the evul pepole. Also we donated extar munny 2 tha chickfela so they cold stop teh gay ajenda.

 **Me: F****ING CALLED IT.**

* * *

 **Hey, wanna kill Sara? WELL GUESS WHAT? ON CHAPTER 6, WE KILL HER! YAY! YOU SHOULD KNOW THE DRILL BY NOW AS WELL, SO GET TO IT!**


	5. Do I hear five?

**Imagi: YEEHAW! *On a Tauros.***

 **Lucina: Grr... *Kicks Imagi off the Tauros.***

 **Imagi: OW!**

* * *

Tanks 2 teh pepole who tolded me the nam of teh badguy wuz Motel Face. I luked 4 a pictar ofim and sawed taht he wuz a reely big evul ribbit.

 **Wendell: FEAR HIS FROGGYNESS!**

He mite be the scarest villan in thes storey.

 **Me: Until the next one. And the next one. Or a group of random henchmen demons. Or a lesbian/gay person...**

 **Imagi: GROW SOME BALLS LADY.**

Also thes chaptar wil prolly be shart becuz im writen this at my frend Chloes hoes. Chloe is a reel frend unliek Lauren becuz Chloe isant a lesban.

 **Lucina: And yet she was never mentioned before. Sounds like a back-up buddy to me.**

 **Narrator: Same.**

She wants me to finash writen this quackly so that wecan us the commuter 2 go on the intranet and lok at cloths. Chloe lieks to pik ot pritty cloths and than tells me to imagen her wering tham. I alweys imagen her bean rilly pritty so than ill bye tham 4 her with a credat card that my parants gived 2 me.

 **Me: A, f*** you AND your credit card. B, use your computer for Ifunny or something. And C, MY GOD KISS HER ALREADY.**

Than wen the cloths cum 2 her hose shell invit me ovar to see her wering tham (evan if its a pritty dress that i woldnt get 2 c her were very ofen or sum underwhere that shed normelly hav otter cloths ovar)

 **Wendell: SHE WEARS OTTERS?! D8**

and alli hav 2 do 2 see her luking grate in knew cloths is giv her $200.

 **Lucina: That's... prostitution.**

And she tels me im pritty wenever i giv her munny so i no she isant taken my munny 2 be lazey liek a pore persan wode.

 **Lucina: And that's bribery. *Writing on a notepad.* Anything else before I bust your a**?**

The beast part isthat shes not a lesban shes a reel frend who isant tryen to rap me.

I told my mom 2 bye me Sholks gaem 4 my burthday b4 she told me i had 2 leev the hose 2 go2 Chloes hose. She sad she wud buyit butt it mite not cum until aftar my birtday. Sins the male is runned by the govarmant i think thes meens Barak Oboma is treyen 2 ruan my bithdya.

 **Me: Or it's because the game is in short supply...**

Hes a rilly meen!

CHAP 4: MENTAL FASE ATECKS AGEN

 **Narrator: No, YOU'RE in a mental phase. It isn't a giant robot, it's you Sara. You.**

 **Me:** _ **What is happening right now?**_

* * *

It wuz the naxt day and I wuz stil scarred becuz Medal Face mite atak 2 try to captar me so Lauren wode rap me. Me and Lucina wented 2 the mall neerest 2 teh smash manshan butt r bofrends didant cum becuz shaping 4 cloths is a gurl thin.

 **Imagi: Okay, that is true. BUT, that was why they invented Gamestop!**

We wented 2 Victoras Secrat and bot some sexay langeray.

 **Lucina: Hm... *Writes Sexual Harrasment on notepad.* And that's three!**

 **Imagi: You don't own any?**

 **Lucina: No...**

 **Imagi: You do.**

 **Lucina: Shut up.**

Aftar we wer dun with that we wented 2 teh chikfela in the fud cort and bot sum lanch frum there. "Hey i hav an idea" Lucina sed "let so c a movey!" "Grate!" I sed. We sawed a reely gurly romans movey (i dont no if the movey theturs in Nintando wrold wode be showen the sam moveys as the ons in the reel world, butt i asoom thered be at leest on romans movey playen).

 **Wendell: Why do I feel like this is true...**

Ther wer sum moar manely moveys ther 2 butt we didant see tham becuz lesbans liek manly thins and Me and Lucina arnt lesbans.

 **Me: MY COUSIN LOVES GODZILLA JERK!**

Ons the movey wuz dun we desided it wuz tim 2 go bak 2 teh manshan. Sudanly, wen we wer walken bak 2 teh manshan METOL FASE FLEWED UP!

"Ono!" I sed.

 **Narrator: Well, at least she put an exclamation mark...**

"This is reely bad!" Lucina sed. "Mwa! Ha! Ha! Im bak u bluddy wankars!" Mattel Face sed. I puled ot a gun i had becuz i obey the secant commandment of teh constantinople wich sez u hav 2 bare arms (evan tho Oboma wants 2 maek guns illeagle becuz hes a librul).

 **Imagi: Maybe he wants to replace them with Katanas. How do you know?**

I shat a buncha ballets at Medal Fase butt hes a robat so ballets cant hurt him. Lucina tred 2 hit him with her sord but it didant hurt him ether!

 **Lucina: *Writes Unprovoked Assailment on notepad.* Do I hear five?**

"U bluddy wankars cant beet me! Now im guna captar Sara and taek her back 2 Britan were Lauren is waten 2 bluddy rap her!" Metol Fase sed. I tred 2 get awey butt he gabed me and started flyen awey carryen me. I was captar! "NO LET ME GOO!" I SED. "No u wankar im taken u to teh bluddy royel palas of Briten were Lauren is waten 2 rap u!" Metil Fase sed. "Don't worry!" I herd Lucina yel aftar me "Im guna tel Sholk wat hapan and were gona get a buncha pepole to rescu u!"

 **Imagi: Just get a Super Leaf!**

So Mettle Fade flyed me to Briten and Lauren was waten otside the royel palas. Her new gurlfrend Kaety wuz ther 2 and i alredy new that becuz i cold see her ginormes noes evan wen i wuz a hundrad mials awey frum teh palas.

 **Lucina: Should I put horrible insulting?**

 **Narrator: ... Nah.**

Wen we gotted ther Medal Fase put me on the grond. "Gud werk Mattel Face" Lauren sed "now Me and Kati r guna rap u Sara!" "No!" I sed. I runned awey and escap. Howevar ther wuz stil treble becuz I WUZ TRAP IN BRITAN!

 **Wendell: You make it sound like hell on Earth...**

* * *

 **Imagi: And here's your handcuffs.**

 **Lucina: Thank you!**

 **Imagi: Come again!**


	6. Stereotypes are bulls---

**IMAGI...**

 **Imagi:** _ **Note to self. Do NOT eat random bags of Burger King on the table...**_

* * *

I saw alota pepole sayen I dont no abot Briten so duren skool i pade a nurd 2 giv me 3 sesans of a dokamentry abot wat lief in Briten is liek, and thers a forth sesan 2 butt u cant bye it yet u hav 2 wach it onlin butt the dokementry is on HBO and my parants wont let me wach it becuz theres nakad pepole init.

 **Lucina: Your parents suck.**

So i cald Chloe and she sed shed let me hav her famlys paswerd 4 the onlin HBO 4 my burthday if I giv her sum munny.

 **Imagi: Seriously, what have you done in real life WITHOUT money?!**

So that provs shes a reel frend. The dokamentry is cald Gaem off Throns

 **Me: (Spittake.) YOU HAVE GOT TO BE S***ING ME.**

 **Wendell: I will refrain from naming about EVERYTHING wrong with that.**

in case uv seenit and wen im dun watchen it ill no alot abot wat lief in Briten is like. Butt 4 now the storey will fokus on Lucina tryen 2 goto Briten to saev me.

 **Lucina: DAMN ME.**

CHAP 5: LUCINA GOS BAK 2 MANSHAN

 **Narrator: Now she's not even trying...**

* * *

Rite aftar Sara got captar Lucina knowed wat she had 2 do.

 **Lucina: Go home, celebrate, and not give a s***.**

She runned as fast as she cold 2 go bak to teh manshan.

 **Lucina: F***!**

She noed she had 2 find Sholk and tel him that Motel Face captared Sara. She fond Sholk in teh liven rome with Mark and Ick and Lenk and Guy Roben and a buncha otter guys. He wuz watchen fotball and not sockar witch they cal fotball in Briten but reel, American fotball, witch is illegol 2 wach in Briten. "This is so muk bluddy betar than wat we wach in Briten!" Sholk sed. "Sholk!" Lucina sed.

"Lucina wy r u hear. Gurls sholdnt wach fotball expect 4 uglay lesbans" Mart sed.

 **Lucina: Maybe I'm a lesbian, or maybe stereotypes are bulls***. Either way, I could still kick your sorry a** at football anyday.**

 **Imagi: She's not kidding.**

This wuz sumthin my bruther Josh used 2 tel me alot wenever I came in the rome wen he wuz watchen fotball. He left 4 collage a yeer ago aftar he gradate frum hi skool butthan he fayal in collage becuz of librul byas in hyur ejaculation butthan my mom convins my dad 2 bye Josh a hose on the otter sied of the stat so he livs ther now insted of withus.

 **Narrator: The police are still trying to find a way to bust him for drugs to this day.**

"Ino butt I ned 2 tel Sholk sumthin impotent" Lucina sed "Sara was captar by Mattel Fase!" "Ono thats bluddy turible!" Sholk sed "aftar the gaem we ned 2 maek a plan 2 saev her."

 **Wendell: WHY AFTER-**

"Ok" Lucina sed.

 **Wendell: SON OF A BISCUIT.**

Ons the fotball gaem was ovar Sholk was reddy to halp Lucina cum with a plane. And so wuz allof the otter Christens. "Ok so Briten is relly far awey frum Nentindo World so we ned 2 fine sum way 2 get ther" Sholk sed "and its suronded by oshan so we cant taek a car."

 **Me: USE THE PLANE LUCINA WA SHOVING IN HERSELF FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!**

 **Lucina: *Points gun to King's head.***

 **Me: Bad choice of words?**

 **Lucina: Pretty bad...**

"I hav an idea" Maryo sed "I hav gokarps that can fly an stuf frum the Maryo Carp gaems. We can getin those and driv them to Briten."

 **Wendell: GLIDE!**

 **Narrator: THIS IS THE GAME THAT HAS A GUY WARPING FROMPLACE TO PLACE IN A PIPE, WHILE HE SHOOTS FIREBALLS AT TURTLES, AND THAT'S WHAT GETS YOU?!**

"Butt ther not fast enuff 2 get ther b4 Metel Fase givs Sara 2 Lauren and Lauren raps her" Sholk sed. Sholk didant no I escap.

 **Imagi: ... When?**

"Gud pint" Maryo sed. "If onley Snack wuz reely my dad then we cold rid in the helacoptar frum his finale smash" Mark sed. I dont no if Marht and Lucinas reel dad frum teh friar album gaems has a hellocopter or note. I dont thenk he dose.

 **Wendell: Did you try, and this is probably going to be really hard, ASKING NICELY?!**

"Ino!" Girl Roben had an ide "Capten Falken has a car that gose reely reely fats." "Ya but hes evul hell nevar letus us it" Sholk sed. "We can steel it" Guy Roben sed.

 **Narrator: Because stealing's a GOOD thing!**

"Butt wont he no were dong that?" Palootina sed. "Thats a problam" Sonec sed. "Butt i no wat wecan do" Lucina sed "we can talk 2 Mastar Hand and get him 2 skedul a buncha maches with Capten Futon so hes 2 busey 2 notas his car is gon." "But watif Mastar Hand doesnt do thes" Iek sed "He mite not want 2 help us becuz he hats Sara." "We dont hav 2 tel him wy we wanna fite Capton Failcan" Sholk sed.

 **Lucina: Say he groped Peach!**

 **Me:** _ **And she hits us...**_

"Ok this is a grate plan" March sed "My sistar and Sholk can steel Captan Falkins car and go 2 Briten and saev Sara wile the rest of us fite Capton Falcun alota tims." So allof the Christens went 2 Mastur Hens ofess and told him that allof them expect Lucina and Sholk wantad to fite Capten Falken a buncha tims. "This seems suspishus" Mastor Han sed "how doi no u Christens arent planen sumthin intolerent?"

 **Imagi: GO MASTER-**

"Becuz we arnt" Sholk sed. "Ok. Just fial ot teh paperwurk to chaleng Capten Felkan 2 a fite" Mister Hen sed.

 **Imagi: ... Damn it.**

So the Christens expect 4 Lucina and Sholk startad writen the paparwerk wile Lucina and Sholk pland 2 steel Kapton Falkens car.

 **Lucina: I am now confuzzled.**

 **Me: Let's fix that!**

* * *

Sara: LAUREN, YOU AR A LESBAN!

Lauren: And if I am? I just brought you here to give you back the stuff you left at my house.

Sara: NO! U AR GOIN TO RAP MI!

Lauren: Oh for f***'s sake. *Pinches bridge of nose.*

King: Need a good aspirin? I got one that kills Sara, AND the headaches!

Lauren: Oh. Hello! Um, who are you?

King: _I suppose she wouldn't know me, as Sara was apparently never killed..._

Sara: OH NO, ANOTHAH GAY!

King: *Cocks shotgun.* Give me a sec. *Blasts a hole in Sara's face.* Hey, wanna get some fish and chips?

Lauren: I think I just lost my appetite...

* * *

?: Ooh, cross of Head Shot on the Death Bingo! *Crosses off.*

Lauren: ...

?: Fine, I'll get you Burger King! Damn puppy eyes...


	7. King loses it

**Well, (Covered in blood.) that was fun!**

 **Wendell: Right...**

* * *

My mom uselly lets me pritend 2 be sock

 **Lucina: WE MUST BECOME ONE WITH SOCK!**

 **Narrator:** _ **Geez, first Stan, now Sock... Then again, Satin was a thing for a bit too...**_

on my burthday and stey hom frum skool so thats wat hapan. Sholks gaem didant cum becuz Obana dosent want me to playit i gess and tolded teh mael pepol not to breen it yet evan tho my mom ordared it 2 dyas ago! Butt Oboma didant reely ruan my burthday compliantly becuz thus gived me moar tim 2 wach epsods of gam of throns. I wach the antire furst sesan and teh furst 3 epsods of secant sesan. Their r lotsa nakid womans init BUTT TAHT NOTE WY I LEIK IT BECUZ IM NOTA LESBAN!

 **Me: I CALL BULLS*** ON YOUR BULLS***!**

 **Imagi: Wait... *Does math in head.* Is that even a thing?**

I lerned sum thins abot Briten liek evan tho pepol otsid Briten call teh captal of Briten Londun i gess in Briten tehy calit "Keens Landen" (witch i gess sonds kinda liek Londun). Alos tehy cal Britash Congrass teh "smell consul" and teh ledar of congrass is teh "Hen off eht Keen" (I thot the Hond off the Kine was liek the Britash vershan of vise presadent butt wen the keen dyed that Jofri kid becum keen insted of Nad Stork so i gess he wuz Vise King).

 **Wendell: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! BETWEEN YOUR BULLS*** AND HORRIBLE SPELLING, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUDGE IS GOING ON!**

And than tehy ned 2 held big erection 4 noo keen, expect in Briten elecshans they dont voet insted they hav a big war to deside who next keen is (I wish we did taht in America becuz conservativs hav moar guns than libruls so wed alweys win. By the wey they dont hav the secant amendmant in Briten so sum librul taked all there guns awey and everone fites with sords an stuff. Also tehy rid hoarses insted of cars becuz Briten is suronded by oshan and u cant driv cars ovar waiter so no cars evar gotted their).

 **Me: ... Heh. Ha ha. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHA- (Starts shooting shotgun.) - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAH!**

 **Imagi: TO THE BUNKERS!**

 **Me: (Explodes randomly.)**

On off teh candidats 4 keen of Briten is gay so i hop he lose. Also I notased ther was a big wal in Briten, and i thenk America shuld get on liek it expect on r sothurn boarder to keep ot teh Mexakans.

 **Narrator: NOT HELPING HIS SANITY LADY!**

 **Me: Oh NaRaToR...**

 **Narrator:** _ **F*** us...**_

 **-(Later.)-**

 **Lucina: (Foot firmly planted in King's face.) Done?**

 **Me: Yes...**

 **Lucina: Good!**

CHAP 6: JERNEY 2 YUROP

* * *

Lucina an Sholk watted 4 Capten Falken 2 leev the garag off Manshan so taht they cold steel his car. Kapten Futon wuz washen his car wen sudanly Mastur Hands vois cum thro lowdspekar. "Capten Falkan u ned 2 fite Mart in arina" Mastar Hond sed. "Ok" sed Capten Falken so he lfet garag of Manshan 2 goto arina.

 **Imagi: ... Why is he evil again?**

"Nos r chans" sed Sholk. Sholk gotted in2 drivars skeet becuz hes a man and mens no moar abot cars tehn womens.

 **Lucina: (Pulls out gun.)**

 **Narrator: No.**

 **Lucina: Dammit...**

Lucina gotted in passanger seet. Sholk turd on car and driv ot of garag and onto rode.

Lucina turd on teh rado off car and startad lissen 2 Fansy by Igey Azala.

 **Lucina: (Pulls out kitchen knife.)**

 **Narrator: NO.**

 **Lucina: F*** OFF!**

Im uselly nut alowed 2 lissan 2 taht kined of muzak butt my dad sez its ok becuz shes wite.

 **Narrator: (Raises Rifle.)**

 **Lucina: Really?**

 **Narrator: Yes.**

Alos she sez lotsa reely smart thins on twitar.

 **Wendell: (At the fridge.) HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!**

Sholk and Lucina taked teh rode on2 hiwey and drivd alon until tehy saw teh exat 2 teh reel world and gotted of hiway and tehy wer in teh reel world. "Ono!" Lucina sed "were in teh reel world butt were in America not Briten! Kapten Felcans car cant get ovar teh oshan 2 Briten!" "Tahts a problam" sed Sholk. They loked arond 4 a solushan. Than they sawed a baot at a dok neerbye. "Lets rid baot 2 Briten" sed Lucina. So Sholk drived Capten Falkens car onto teh boot. Butt tehy realiz 2 laet that teh bot wasant goen 2 Briten it wuz goen 2 Frans. "Ono!" sed Sholk. He wented 2 capten off baot. "Wats the problam" sed capten. "We dont want 2 goto Frans we want 2 goto Briten" sed Sholk.

 **Imagi:** _ **Don't agree...**_

"Well we cant do anythin abot that becuz we alredy setted sale" sed capten.

 **Imagi: YES!**

"Butt my gurlfrend is captar by Mattel Fase and he takes her 2 be rap by Lauren and Kairi who r lesbans!" Sholk sed. "Butt im alredy sale 2 Frans I cant chang distraction nao" sed capten. "Pleese capten guy Saras my beest frend u ned 2 halpus sav her" sed Lucina. "Sorey i cant" sed capten. He wuz a reely meen capten.

 **Me: Or he needs his job to pay for his two kids and the third one on the way. Is he really mean? Is he?**

So teh baot wented 2 the Frans and Lucina and Sholk gotted of baot in Capten Felkans car. "Now we ned 2 fined otter baot frum Frans 2 Briten" sed Sholk. "I haev otter idea" sed Lucina. then she yell "gesunhite!"

 **Wendell: *Sits down with a bag of jellybeans and other candies.* What did I miss-**

"WE SURANDAR!" sed everone in Frans wen tehy herd Lucina speck Germen. So Lucina wuz teh Quine of Frans now.

 **Wendell: o_0**

 **Lucina: *Grabs a bag of M &M's.* Yep.**

"Ok now wecan invad Briten with milatry off Frans" sed Lucina. "Butt Frans is reely week and tehy alweys loose and surandar" sed Sholk.

 **Me: And, you know, YOU'LL BE STARTING WORLD WAR III!**

"Taht isa reely big problam" sad Lucina. "I hav idea" sed Sholk "lets get teh Germens 2 halpus." So Lucina and Sholk gotted in Capten Felkans car agen and drov 2 leedar of Germenys hose. "We ned u to helpus invad Briten" sed Lucina. "Nine" sed ledar off Germeny witchis ho they sey no in Germeny prolly becuz 9 and 0 ar rite naxt to eachotter on teh keybored and foreners r 2 stooped 2 no teh difrance.

 **Imagi: HOW DO PEOPLE STAND YOU.**

 **Lucina: Wait, people stand her?**

 **Imagi: True.**

Butthan Sholk gotted ot off car and teh ledar of Germeny sawed he had blond hare and bloo eeys. "We cant say no 2 teh mastar rase!" sed ledar of Germeny "u r teh supreem Furor of Germeny nao." "Hile Sholk!" sed all teh Germens.

Narrator: THE F*** IS HAPPENING?!

"Also Laurens gurlfrend Kaeti loks liek a jew" sed Sholk. "Yay! We luv killen thos!" sed teh Germens. So nao taht Lucina wuz ledar of Frans and Sholk wuz ledar of Germeny tehy wer redy 2 plan there invashun of Briten.

* * *

 **So they just became the leaders of two huge countries, too much racism happened, and the Germans Master Race is anyone with blonde hair and blue eyes. Yep, we're in a Sara story.**


	8. Well, Wendell's broken!

**Lucina: The hell is that?**

 **Narrator: Tranqulizers. (Puts a giant gun on the ground and sits in his beanbag.) Let's start.**

 **Lucina: ...** _ **I swear to God we're all going to be dead by the end of this thing...**_

* * *

I wach moar of Gaem of Throns and im reely getin confus. Wen is teh old ladey who is Kween of Briten accorden 2 teh noos gona bee on teh sho? Is she evan Kween atoll or is she jus seenial with altimers. My grate grama has taht and sumtims she cals me bye my moms nam or evan my gramas naem. Im not my mom or my grama so I laff at my grate grama becuz shes so old and stooped.

 **Imagi: You f***ing didn't-**

 **Wendell: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! SURE, SHE'S OLD, BUT HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF LOVE YOU BASTARD?!**

Butt on tim my mom herd me doen that and she slap me in fase! She apolajiz 4 hitten me butt sed its reely meen 2 maek fun of my grate grama and tolded me ill be in reely bug treble ifi do it agen. So my moms tryen to censar me and taek awey my rite of free spech frum teh furst almondment!

 **Lucina: You know, punishment for insulting a family member that's being administered by another family member is not a violation. It's called you being a b****.**

I shold tel the polise shes taken awey my constipational rites!

 **Lucina: Well, I would like to have a word or two with you...**

CHAP 8: SARA ALMOS GETS RAP!

 **Me: Maybe if you were, you'd be like the lesbians and actually be a nice person...**

* * *

So I wuz in dunjun of Royel Palas an their wuz noting i cold do 2 try to escap. I wuz afred I wuz gona be rap espeshully becuz I didant no Sholk and Lucina rooled Germeny and Frans nao and wer planen 2 rescuu me. I tred 2 brake outa the prisan butt it was 2 hard so I gived up.

 **Narrator: (Throws hands up.) LIKE THAT FOLKS! OUR HERO! APPLAUSE! *Sarcastic clapping.***

I thot abot prayen 2 God to halp me butt he an Jesas wer captar bye Satin and Satin woldnt saev me becuz hes evul. Sudanly teh dore 2 dunjun opaned and son Lauren an Kaety wer otsid my sell. "Ok its tim 4 us 2 rap u" Lauren sed.

 **Imagi: I applaud you for doing this, but shouldn't you find a bed? Not for Sara, for you!**

"Ono! Stey awey!" I sed. "No were gona rap u no matar wat" Lauren sed. "Lauren! U no we use 2 be frends! Theirs sum speshal plases u can go2 were tehy us the powar of preyin 2 cur homasexalty. My ant, my dads sitar, wuz send 2 on b4 i wuz bored becuz I herd she try 2 rap my mom wile my mom an dad wer engag butt not marey yet (I dont remamber the hole storey).

 **Wendell: Is- Is she trying to justify herself?**

 **Narrator: Wow.**

And nao my ant is strate and is marreyd and has sum childrens (witchis gud becuz she also drink alota bears nao so imagen who hared it wold be 4 her 2 ovarcum the sine of been a alkohalek on top of been a lesban)" I sed.

 **Imagi: (Drinking a giant barrel of beer.) Huh. you say something?**

"Butt im hapey bean a evul lesban and I wuz nevar ur frend I alweys jus wantad 2 rap u 2 maek u a lesban" Lauren sed.

 **Lucina: See? Just accept it and move on!**

Kaeti hited me with her ginormes noes to knack me onto grond.

 **Me: Oh for the love of f***...**

I tred to getup butt Lauren wuz sudanly on top off me! She smell reely nise butt I wuz vary scar obvusly becuz she wuz gona rap me and id becum a lesban. Lauren startad taken of my cloths son I wuz onely in my underwear.

 **Lucina: ...**

 **Imagi: What? You thought we cared? Please.**

 **Wendell: Besides, we already knew she's going to escape.**

 **Me: Sadly.**

 **Narrator: NO, YOU JUST TAKE OFF THE UNDERWEAR AND GO TO TOWN ON HER! MAYBE GRAB HER, BUT STILL!**

 **Everyone: ... (Slowly backs away.)**

"Maybee this is goen 2 fas ill taek it slowly an enjoy ur sufarin" sed Lauren. She sudanly press her pritty lips agenst mine and startad to kis me. I coldnt pul awey becuz I wuz on the grond. Than she move her tun in2 my moth and startad to lik teh insid ofit. and she stik on of her hans undar my bra and started sofly caresin on off my bobs with her soft skin.

 **Me: (Facepalm.) She's actually f***ing doing it. Son of a b****.**

 **Lucina: *Waving a flag.* GO LAUREN!**

Than she stop kisen me and mov her tun ovar and startad 2 sofly lik arond teh ehj of the otter cop of my bra with her warm tun.

 **Imagi: Wendell?**

 **Wendell: *Smoke coming out of his ears.* O_O**

 **Imagi: Well, he broke. Anyone else?**

I wuz reely scurred by wat was hapen. In fact im so scar rite now im starten 2 feel liek im wetin mysefl in reel lief jus imagenin it.

 **Narrator: SCREW YOU GUYS, I'M TAKING THAT AS THE SEXY VERSION OF WET!**

 **Lucina:** _ **He does know she basically said she just pissed herself...**_

"Lauren lets get don 2 buznes" sed Kairi. "Rite" sed Lauren.

So the 2 lesbans prepar 2 rap me in teh vegeta

 **Lucina: KAKAROT!**

witches the onely way 2 turd a strate gurl in2 a lesban. Butthan sudanly a gard runed in. "Briten is undar bluddy atak by Frans and Germeny!" sed gard. "Ono this is teh wurst posabal tim 4 that!" sed Lauren.

 **Me: I blame bulls*** convienence.**

"Frans alredy surander so now Lucina and Sholk r both comand teh bluddy Germen wankars. They hav moar bluddy technoloogey then us butt we hav moar majak so its evan" sed gard.

 **Imagi: I'M PRETTY DAMN SURE THEY HAVE WIZARDS IN GERMANY AND FRANCE!**

Thats wen I new Lucina and Sholk wer hear 2 rescu me frum bean rap and I had hop agen. I noked Lauren ofa me and bak in2 coroner of my sell. "U cant get awey taht easel!" sed Lauren and than She and Kaety and teh gard were chasen me arond my sell.

 **Narrator: ...**

 **Me:** _ **Sigh...**_ **Do it.**

 **Narrator: (Plays Tom and Jerry music.)**

Wile I herd teh Germens fiten teh Britash otsid. I runed arond teh sell 2 kep awey frum tham until sudanly Lucina and Sholk burst in. They kill the gard reely easoly butt than Satin opans a porthole 2 subspas and Lauren and Kaety jump in and escap.

 **Lucina: DAMMIT ME, YOU RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ME!**

"Yay! We rescud u in tim!" Sed Lucina.

"Butt wate ho do we no u didant get rap alredy and r tryen 2 trik us" sed Sholk. Than I kis Sholk witch PROVS ONS AN FLORAL IM NOTA LESBAN BECUZ A LESBAN WOLDANT DO TAHT. R U LISSANEN EVERONE WHO KEPS CALLEN ME A LESBAN?

 **All: ...**

 **Imagi: That's...**

 **Lucina: Such...**

 **Narrator: Mother...**

 **Me: F***ing...**

 **All: BULLS***!**

So Me and Lucina and Sholk runed ota teh dunjun. "Stop rite their u wankars!" we herd and it wuz HAREY POTAR AND A BUNCHA OTTER WIZERDS!

* * *

 **(Shaking Wendell.) Wendell. Wendell. Wendell.**

 **Wendell: ...**

 **Imagi: Hm... We may need a replacement...**

 **(Random ceiling breaking.)**

 **Link: YOU CALLED?!**

 **Lucina: (Facepalm.)**


	9. DAMN IT LINK!

**Me: WHY DO YOU KEEP APPEARING?!**

 **Link: 'Cause I luv you...**

 **Lucina: *Pulls out spear.***

 **Imagi: Don't...**

* * *

I finely finash washin gaem of throns and so im cot up on Britash histary. I gess the old ladey isant kween at all so Ill jus pritend she wuz nevar in this storey.

 **Me: WHEN?!**

Sholks gaem stil didant cum in the male yet. I watn 2 ask my mom 2 ordar it agen becuz she must off don sumthin ron butt shes curantly awey wachen the fotball teem praktis after there gaem yestarday nite and she dosant want me to bothar her rite now.

 **Lucina: She also said something about 'Naughty time', but I have no idea what that is... *Grins.***

 **Link: Hey, am I still her 'boyfriend?'**

 **Imagi: Nope.**

 **Link: WHOO!**

Id ask my dad 2 ordar it butt he dosant want me 2 talk 2 unles its sumthin reely impotent and usally he sez watevar i wana talk 2 him abot isant impotent enuf. Alos sumtims he gos 2 me rome aftar werk a few tims a weak and givs me sum munny as lon as I dont bothar him with "dum gurl thins" as he cals it.

 **Link: WHAT THE HELL?! I WISH THAT HAPPENED TO ME! I'D BE RICH AS F***!**

Thats ok becuz its teh womans job 2 raze the childrans not the mans.

 **Lucina: HA!**

CHAP 9: HAREY POTARS EVUL MAJAK

 **Narrator: ...**

 **Lucina: Nothing?**

 **Narrator: Have you SEEN the s*** that goes down in there?!**

* * *

Me and Lucina and Sholk wer shoked wen Harey Potar and teh otter wizords shod up.

"Mwa! Ha! Ha! U wankars! Im gona us evul majak frum Lored Satin 2 tune Sara in2 a lesban!" sed Harey Potar.

 **Link: Um... What the hell was that?**

 **Narrator: Be glad you weren't here yesterday. Wendell had to take a brain bleach bath...**

 **Wendell: (Somewhere in the back.) OH GOD MAKE IT GO AWAY!**

"No ples dont!" I sed. "U bluddy wankars cant convins me 2 chan my mined!" sed Harey Potar. "Butt I hav teh Germen militry on my sid u wankar" sed Sholk. He ponted 2 teh Germens who wer beaten tha Britash militry.

 **Link: THE MOST EVIL OF MAJICKS, THE POINTING FINGER!**

"Thats wut u thank!" sed Harey Potar. Than Harey Potar and teh otter wizords did sum majak and a reely big hol opaned up in the grond. It wuz a hol that leeded 2 HELL ITSLEF! And than sum demans came everywhere! And they garbed al the Germen soljurs and drag them 2 Hell and Germeny wuz defeet.

"Ono!" sed Sholk.

 **Lucina: THAT'S her new boyfriend.**

 **Link: Wow. Poor bastard... Wait, he HAS a girlfriend! I MET her. She's nice, why the hell-**

 **Lucina: Sue logic. She's dating someone she knows jack about.**

"We r lose!" sed Lucina. "Wy did u do thes" I sed. "Becuz im bluddy evul!" sed Harey Potar "now noone can sav u!"

 **Me: BULLS*** HE'S EVIL!**

"Wecan stil fite u!" sed Lucina. And so Lucina and Sholk runed ovar and startad killen the wizerds that Harey Potar brotted withim. Son all teh wizords expect Harey Potar himsalf wer ded butt than Harey Potar did sum majak that turn Lucina and Sholk 2 stoned.

 **Imagi: Stonedius Weedus.**

 **Lucina: I wouldn't be suprised if that existed...**

"NOOOOOOOO!" I sed.

"Ha! Now evan they cant sav u! Noone will stop me frum maek u a lesban!"

 **Me: Wait, you need girl-**

sed Harey Potar. He did sum majak 2 maek me frez in plase and than he gotted ot sum goets blud and use it 2 draw a pentagon arond me. Than he started a Satinist chant that wud turd me in2 a lesban.

 **Me: Oh. Wait, THE F*** DID HE GET GOAT BLOOD FROM?!**

Their wuz noting I cold do 2 stap him! I thot 4 sertan I wuz domed! "I wil stop u Harey Potar!" I herded sumon say. Than a reely big musklar guy burts frum on of the dores neerby. I rekonized who he wuz. He wuz the Monten frum Gaem of Throns!

 **Link: And now THIS is happening!**

The Monten is a guy who kiled the gay illegol imegrant guy in sesan 4 of gaem of throns (The illeagle imegrunt guy wuz frum Doarn witchis liek Britash Mexako or sumthin. I wondar wy the Britash pepole didant bild a wal 2 blok of Doarn butt insted bilt on in teh northarn part of Briten. I gess foreners reely r stooped. Alos teh illegol imegrant guy had sax with sum mens so he wuz both gay and a illegol imegrant. So it wuz grate wen the Monten kild him). Harey Potar startad chanten fastur 2 try 2 turn me in2 a lesban b4 the Monten gotted 2 him butt the Monten runned ovar and noked Harey Potar 2 the grond. Than he kild Harey Potar the exact sam way he kild the gay illegol imegrant guy, buy stiken his fingars in2 Harey Potars eye sockats and than crashing Harey Potars skol with his bear hands.

 **Imagi: Alright, THAT, was awesome!**

"Tanks 4 saven me Monten!" I sed. "Dont menton it" sed tha Monten and he leev. Than sinse Harey Potar wuz ded Lucina and Sholk werent ston aneymor. I kist Sholk agen 2 prov ho strate I wuz,

 **Link: You do that a lot.**

than I brot Lucina in a frendly embrase and rubed the sid of my fase agents hers.

 **Lucina: OW! *Slaps cheek.***

"Wecan leev Briten nao" sed Lucina. So Me and Lucina and Sholk gotted bak in Kapten Felkans car (it onely had 2 seets so I shard 1 with Lucina) and we driv bak 2 manshan. Butt wen we gotted their KAPTEN FALKAN AND MASTAR HAND WER IN THE GARAG WAITEN 4 US!

 **Imagi: LE SUCK IT B****!**

* * *

 **NOW GO AWAY! *Boots Link out the front door.***


	10. That was beautiful!

**Me: Well, he's gone-**

 **Samus: (On top of the fridge with a beer.) Yo.**

 **Imagi: Well f***.**

* * *

Pepole reely ned 2 stop akusen me of been a lesban. Im nota lesban. Evan Lauren isant sayen I evar had sax with her, and she nos i nevar did so I dont no wy she thanks she has enuf evadunce 2 akus me of been a lesban.

 **Samus: It's called being a virgin.**

A gurl becums a lesban if she has sax with anotter gurl and I NEVAR did that so I cant bee a lesban. Jus finden gurls prittyer than bois isant enuff becuz God maed gurls so muk pritter than bois as a tast 2 c if gurls liek me cold resist teh urgas and be strate and marey a guy aneyway so wecan go2 hevan wen we dye. Alos wy do teh homasexals wanna get marey aneyway?

 **Me: Because they love each other very much!**

If u hav 2 mens who ar marreyed whos gona cuk and clen and taek care of the childrans, and if u hav 2 womens who r maryed than how r they gona get munny (prolly frum welfair becuz there libruls)?

 **Lucina: She did not just go there. SHE DID NOT JUST F***ING GO THERE! I WILL-**

 **Samus: Wow.**

 **Narrator: Was kinda expecting you to join her.**

 **Samus: Nah. I'm good.**

It dosant evan maek sens!

 **Imagi: NEITHER DOES YOU HAVING 'FRIENDS,' AND YET HERE WE ARE!**

CHAP 10: DITENSHUN

 **Narrator: YAY!**

* * *

Me and Lucina and Sholk gotted outa Capten Futons car and saw that Mastar Hanned and Kapten Failcun wer both vary anger at us.

 **Me: I know I would be.**

"Ho dar u steel my car" sed Capten Falkan "We neded 2 saev Sara!" sed Lucina. "I dont caer abot Sara!" sed Kapten Falkon.

 **Samus: That man will save the world.**

"Tahts wy we didant bothar 2 bluddy ask u wankar!" sed Sholk. "Ho did u evan fined ot abot this" I sed "Wernt the otter Christens distract u" "Well my finale smash usas my car so in on of the maches I gotted a smash bal and tryed to us it butt noting hapaned" sed Kapten Falkan.

 **Imagi: ... That. Makes REAL sense. Wow. Suprised they didn't think of that one themselves.**

"And than he tolled me and we wented 2 the graj of manshan and his car wuz gon" sed Matter Hemp. "Ono we sholdof thot off that!" sed Lucina.

 **Lucina: WELL NO S*** ME!**

 **Me: This is gonna be a thing isn't it?**

 **Narrator: Yep.**

"No u sholdant hav steeled the car in the furst plas" sed Mustard Han "and alos Sholk and Lucina u 2 concured Frans and Germeny and neerly startad Word War 3!"

 **Me: THANK YOU! SOMEONE REALIZED THAT!**

"Butt if they didant I wold hav nevar ben saev and Lauren wold rap me and maek me a lesban!" I sed. "I dont caer! In fact i thenk it mite be gud if u wer a lesban so ud stop bean intolarent" sed Master Hanes.

 **Imagi: WHOO! I KNEW YOU WEREN'T A POMPOUS A** MASTER HAND!**

"Ur so meen!" I sed.

"Well nao r u gona punash them 4 steel my car?" Kapten Fappin sed 2 Mastur Hand. "Off coarse! Jus liek I did 2 teh otter Christens who wer involv" sed Mastar Hen.

 **Samus: Tar and feathers!**

 **Imagi: Senses deprivation!**

 **Narrator: 21-Paintball gun salute!**

 **Me: Put them in a box and throw them off a mountain!**

 **Lucina: LAVA SURFBOADING!**

"Ono!" sed Sholk "ples dont!" "2 laet" sed Mastar Hans "I gived teh otter Christen Smashars 2 weaks of ditenshun 4 wut they did. Butt Sholk and Lucina wut u did wuz much wors and Sara I jus dont liek u so Im given u TO MOTHS OF DITENSHUN!

 **Imagi: ... Meh.**

 **Samus: WHOO!**

 **Imagi: What's so great?**

 **Samus: DETENTION IS THE MOST BORING S*** EVER!**

Ill wak u up evary mornen and tell u 2 goto the ditenshun rome wer ull haev 2 stay until its tim 2 return 2 ur rom 2 goto slep. Crazey Hen wil brin u sum fud butt not aneything reely gud. And nun of u will be abel 2 fite aney battals or leev the Manshan 4 aney resin." "Butt I ned 2 saev God and Jesas!" I sed "Satin has them captar!"

 **Me: B**** HE DON'T CARE!**

"Wel 2 bad u haev ditenshun!" sed Mastar Hanned "In fakt, becuz u talk bak so much im not evan gona let u leev the ditenshun room 2 slep. U hav 2 slep in there!"

 **Lucina: THIS JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER!**

"Thats not fare!" I sed. "Ya if u maek Sara stay ther al nite than u hav 2 maek me do that 2!" sed Lucina.

 **Lucina: DAMN IT ME, YOU'RE RUINING THE MOMENT!**

"Me 2!" sed Sholk. "Fien! All 3 of u hav 2 stay in teh ditenshun rom 4 TOO HOLE MUNCHS" sed Mastar Haned. He laft the garaj off Manshan. Kapten Felkan laffed atus and leev 2. "How wil I defeet Satin and Oboma nao!" I sed. "Dont worey" Lucina taked my haned "well thunk off sumthin" "Yes we bluddy wil" sed Sholk. And the tree of us wented 2 ditenshun rom.

* * *

 **Samus: That was beautiful...**

 ***Points shotgun.* OUT!**

 **Samus: Fine...**


	11. Technical difficulties

**Lucina: Where the hell is Wendell? I'd rather not have another guest appearance** **...**

 **Wendell: *Pops out of the ground in a little miner hat.* You called?**

* * *

So Sholks gaem FINELLY came in male and nao im reely confus.

 **Me: MAYBE NOW YOU'LL GET THIS RIGHT!**

Firts ofal it sed Sholk wuz frum a coleny... butt teh colenys wer wut Amurca wuz call b4 Tomes Jaferson writ the Decoration of Indifference and we wan tha Reevaluation War.

 **Me: ...**

So dose that men Sholk is Ameracan?

 **Imagi: ...**

Butt than wy dose he hav a Britash aksent?

 **Lucina: ...**

And dose this all men this gaem taks plas duren the Revulsionary War.

 **Narrator: ...**

I meen the guy frum the began loked sorta liek Jesas expect his beerd wuzant as lon so maybe he wuz a yunger Jesas...

 **Wendell: ...**

butt weres Jorge Wassinton and Tomass Jeforsan and the otter Fondling Farters? And r the robats the Britash pepole? How dose Briten hav so maney robats? Or wuz the beginen part supos 2 be the Frans and Indiana war sins it taked plas erlier than the rest of tha gaem?

 **All: ...**

And wy wuz Hulck Hogen fitten alon sied Yung Jesas and the evul-lookan guy who dyed in the begin?

 **All: ...**

I didant thenk he wuz that old! I dont thenk this gaem is vary hysterically akurat. Aneyway evan if he is reely frum Amrecia Sholk is stil gona be Britash in thes storey becuz I sed he wuz erlier and aslo he has a Britash aksent.

 **Me: What.**

Aneyway I gotted 2 the caev becuz I hav 2 get tha either salamanders or watever there cald butt this big catarpilor thin keps cumin ota the grond and killen me.

 **Imagi: The actual.**

I hav all 3 pepole Sholk and Rine and Fiona butt I stil loss! I dont thenk catterpilar is finel bos becuz I didant evan see Medal Fase yet, butt its stil way 2 hared! How do I win gaem? I stoped playen 2 rite this chaptar becuz im frustrate and confus!

 **All:F****************************************UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK?!**

 ***House explodes.***

 **-(TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, I REPEAT, TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES!)-**

* * *

Sara: Seriouy, ho du I bet gaem?

King: KILL THE MONSTER!

Sara: (Randomly killed by the group.)

* * *

 **Me: (Out of breath.) We're back.**

 **Lucina: Oh God that was awful...**

 **Imagi: You think?**

CHAP 11: THA DEKOYS

I wuz vary angar at getin ditenshun becuz Mister Han wuz so meen and a jurk!

 **Imagi: Good, you have something in common.**

Me and Lucina and Sholk wented 2 ditenshun rome and sitted don in chares. Math and the Robans and Lenk and Ick and Maryo and Luwegi and Peech and Zalda and Pet and Pelletina and Roslena and Sonek wer al in ther becuz the wer the Smashars who halped Lucina and Sholk by distrakt Capten Felkan.

 **Wendell: Um, Palutena's a GODDESS. Explain that one.**

 **Narrator: She thinks Palutena's a angel...**

 **Wendell: HA!**

Butt they wer alod 2 leev bak 2 there roms at nite and alos they onely gotted 2 weaks of ditenshun wile Me and Lucina and Sholk gotted 2 monts. "This is terabel!" I sed. "Ino!" sed Lucina.

 **Lucina: STOP AGREEING ME!**

"Wer sorey we falled u" sed Pink. "Ya Capten Felken fonded ot abot the plane wen my brothar Maryo and me wer fitten him" sed Luwedgie. "Its ok" I sed "its al Mastor Hens falt hes tha on who maed the unfare punashment."

 **Me: ... So, stealing a car, almost causing World War III, and generally being a jerk to people. THAT'S still make detention UNFAIR?! (TABLEFLIP!)**

 **Wendell: THAT'S MY THING! (Flips table back.)**

"Butt I thenk I miteof fond a wey 2 getot off it" Sholk sed. "Wut" I sed. "I cald 2 off my frends who wil halpus get ot. Butt theres sumthin eels u ned 2 do Sara" Sholk sed. "Wat do I hav 2 do?" I sed.

"Remamber wen u had an evul clon butt than u absorb her and than u taek cur 4 homasexalty to turn her in2 gud strait clon?" sed Sholk "Lunk and Mark telled me al abot it thats ho i no evan tho I wasant ther. Butt wut u ned 2 do is split frum ur clon."

 **Narrator: Wait. Wait. Wat. No, seriously. That made SENSE! THE HELL?!**

"Wy?" I sed. "Becuz I onely hav 2 frends and we ned three pepole 2 gurls and a goy" shed Sholk.

 **Lucina: You are one LONELY British motherf***er.**

"Ok" I sed. So I consecrated relly hadr and fokused on separat frum Evul Clon Sara who wuz nao Gud Clon Sara. Sun we wer 2 difrant pepole agen.

 **Me: ... Like that? Really?**

"Hi everone im bak" sed Gud Clon Sara. "Hi Gud Clon Sara" sed all the Christen Smashars in tha rom. Than sudanly a laddar wuz up 2 the widowsel and Sholk opaned the widnow.

 **Imagi: Huh. They have class. I LIKE IT!**

"Rien! Fyora! Im gald u cold bluddy maek it!" sed Sholk. Than Rin and Foira frum Xenablad cum in2 widow. Expect Reun wuz werin a blon whig and Fiona died her hare bloo.

 **Me: HAHAHAHAHA-**

 **Lucina: Is it the wig?**

 **Wendell: Irony.**

"Off coarse we bluddy maed it" sed Rine. "Wuts goen on?" I sed. "Sholk cald us and ask us 2 be bluddy dekoys so U and Lucina and Him cold leev bluddy ditenshun" sed Flora.

Thes wuz grate! So Gud Clon Sara pritend 2 be me and Fiota pritend 2 be Lucina and Rien pritend 2 be Sholk so the 3 off us cold leev ditenshun. We newed we had 2 go and fined wer God and Jesas wer been keep captar.

 **Narrator: PRETTY sure Big MH be psychic.**

 **Lucina: I don't question how you said that sentence.**

 **Narrator: Yo.**

* * *

 **Hey, wanna kill Sara** **next chapter? Good!**


	12. NO AGREEING!

**I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ALL MOTHERF***ERS.**

 **Imagi: Welp. He's pissed.**

 **Lucina: (Puts on earmuffs.)**

 **STOP F***ING TELLING ME THAT THIS IS ILLEGAL. If I cared, would we be doing this? NO, I DIDN'T THINK SO. NOW, LET'S START. (Sits down.)**

* * *

So teh libruls r tryen 2 tel me that Sholks gaem dosant taek plas in Amerka b4 the reevaluation war. If thats troo then why is Sholks town cald a "coleny" witchis wut the Stats of Amurcia wer call b4 we wer free? THAT PROVS IM RITE U LIBRULS!

 **King: On second thought, let's go back to rage talks-**

 **Lucina: No.**

 **King: DAMMIT MS. SHERLOCK!**

I jus reeliz sumthin abot Sholks gaem. Its on off thos gams were u hav 2 fite monstars 2 get strongar. I playd tham b4 i men finel fantusy steven wuz the firts gam that I evar own I gotted it tin yares ago 4 my five burthday.

 **Imagi: HOW? I got it a MONTH ago, and yet I STILL haven't beaten it! AND I'M 21!**

Butt bak than I cold get Lauren 2 play the boren parts wer u hav 2 fite alota monstars an get strongar. I cant dothat nao becuz Lauren is a evul lesban. Maybee Ican pay sum nurd at skool to fite monstars in Xenablad untel im powarfel enuf 2 beet the catpilar.

 **Narrator: Alright, there is something AMAZING, about a person saying 'Until I'm powerful enough to beat the caterpillar.' SARA, 20 WHO THE F*** CARES?!**

Butt I alos fond ot sum vary impotent noos abot the knew Smats Brus gaem. Aparantly its gona cum ot in Japen thus weakand.

 **Wendell: THAT WAS BULLS-**

 **Imagi: (Quiets with a pillow.) YOU CAN'T AGREE WITH THE SUE NUMBNUTS!**

I wondared wy it wuz cumin ot in Japen furst and aftar doen sum resurch I fond ot that teh compeny that maeks vido gaems is in Japen. Im gessin Obomas job-killen anty-biznas stuf liek Obabacar and hi taxas an clas warfair causd vido gaem compeny 2 mov 2 Japen. So if we had a Repoblikun presadent then wed get the noo gaem neerly a munth erlier!

 **Lucina: AND YOU LIKE VIDEO GAMES?! ABOUT A F***TON OF ALL GAMES ARE JAPAN-MADE. COME ON, HOW** _ **DON'T**_ **YOU KNOW THAT ONE?!**

CHAP 12: TRYAN 2 FUND SUBSPAS

 **King: Pretty sure it's right next to Satan's parking space, WHICH, conveniently enough, has your name on it!**

 **Imagi: It's also right next to Adolf Hitler! YAY!**

 **Wendell: I question our sanity.**

 **Lucina: There was a point when you didn't?**

So Me and Lucina and Sholk leev don the ladar ot of the widow of ditenshun rome and startad to snek awey frum the manshan.

"Were do we ned 2 go?" sed Sholk.

"I thenk I saw Satin on the otter sid of the porthole that Lauren and Kayti escap thro in2 subspas" I sed.

 **King: Because Satan and Tabuu... (Ponders.) Okay I'll-**

 **Imagi: DON'T! (Smothers King with a pillow.)**

 **King: (Muffled swearing.)**

"I thank ur rite" sed Lucina.

"Ok so how do we get 2 subspas me and Lucina wernt hear last tim so weev nevar ben their" sed Sholk.

I try 2 remamber but I coldant! Ono!

 **Lucina: I THINK you'd remember flying a bat knight's giant airship into a giant black ball as a cannon fires at you,ALSO while EPIC music plays, THEN said ship goes boom, a puffball blows up cannon by slicing it while riding a Pokemon, THEN you all make an escape into the ball. YEAH, I'D REMEMBER THAT ONE.**

"Ono! I dont remamber how 2 get 2 subspas!" I sed.

"Thats a problam!" sed Sholk.

"Cum on may be we can fine sum cloos in the town neer the Manshan" sed Lucina.

"Gud idea" I sed.

 **Narrator: A, it's called Smashville. B, that is a name that has a FEW questions. C, HOW WOULD IT?!**

 **Imagi: A museum?**

 **Narrator: I guess-**

 **Imagi: AGREEING!**

 **Narrator: SON OF A- (Gets hit by a couch.) WHAT THE F*** IMAGI?!**

So we wented awey from tha Manshon and went 2 the town neerby.

"Ok" I sed wen we gotted 2 town "lets splitup and serch the antire town. Wecan meatup at chikfela in 2 owers."

"Ok" sed Lucina and Sholk.

So we splitad up and ech went a difrant distraction. I wented 2 the mal and loked their. I coldant fine the porthole 2 subspas butt I did fin a reely nise red minyskurt that I bot and chanjed in2.

 **Wendell: She had NO intention of finding clues did she?**

 **Lucina: Much like sending Imagi to buy hummus when a Italian place is next door.**

 **Imagi: IT WAS ONE TIME!**

 **Lucina: AND YOU STILL CAME BACK WITH A SEVEN COURSE MEAL!**

 **Imagi: I COULDN'T RESIST!**

 **Lucina: ABLE TO RESIST BUYING MY HUMMUS WEREN'T YOU?!**

 **Both: (Start fighting.)**

 **King: Well then.**

Than aftar I serch the antire mal I leev and seerch arond otter plases in the tow. Eventully I lok in a drak aly and sudanly I sawed Meatball Fase

 **Narrator: HA.**

talken 2 tha catarpilar that I cant beet in Xenablad.

"U ned 2 gard the bluddy porthole 2 subspas and maek sur Sara dosant get threw" sed Medal Fate.

"Ok" sed tha catorpiller. And Metil Fase flyed awey.

 **Wendell: I'm pretty sure a caterpillar can't talk.**

 **Narrator: DO WE NEED TO HAVE THE NINTENDO LOGIC TALK AGAIN MOTHERF***ER?!**

I sawed that the subspas porthole wuz rite behid the catapilar! Their wuz no wey thro expect 2 defeet it! I wented 2 Chikfela and wated 2 Lucina and Sholk to get their.

"I didant fined bluddy anethin" sed Sholk.

"Me nether" sed Lucina.

"I fond the porthole" I sed "butt thers treble."

"Wat is it?" Lucina taked my han and lok consurned.

 **King: And she rubbed it so gently-**

 **Lucina: (Hits King with the butt of her gun.)**

 **King: OW!**

"Its tha catirpiler frum the caev in Sholks gaem" I sed "Its garden the porthole."

"Ono!" sed Sholk.

"We ned 2 beet it!" sed Lucina.

"I no butt its reely stron" I sed.

"Butt we dont hav a chose" sed Sholk. So aftar we ated at Chikfela we wented bak 2 wer the catorpilar wuz.

"Mwa! Ha! Ha! Ull nevar defeet me!" sed catapoler.

 **Imagi: O'rly? (Holds up flamethrower.)**

 **Wendell: NO.**

 **Imagi: Aw...**

"Dye u stooped catarpilar!" I sed. I gotted ot my gun and shat it ovar and ovar "DYE! DYE! DYE! DYE! DYE!"

Ons I wuz ota ballets I goted ot a difrant gun and keep shatin the catarpilar. Than I puled ot sum groinaids and throw them. Than I gotted a rockat luncher and shat sum rokets at it. Wen the smoak cleer the catarpilar wuz ded.

 **All: O_O**

 **King: God b**** calm yo'self.**

And so Me and Lucina and Sholk entared the porthole 2 subspas.

 **Lucina: Scarred, but they decided NOT to mention that one.**

* * *

 **King: (Hefts shotgun.) Let's kill some muda fackers!**

 **Lucina: Right...**

* * *

 **Sara: DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE-**

 **Shulk: Um...**

 **Lucina: YOU WANNA BE ON THE END OF THAT?!**

 **Shulk: Good point.**

 **King: HAVE NO FEAR!**

 **Shulk: Huh? (Looks up.)**

 **King: KINGY'S HERE B****ES!**

 **Imagi: Wow...**

 **King: F*** OFF!**

 **Sara: U WUNA DIE TO?! *Fires gun at King.***

 **Imagi: Ha ha, no. (Snaps bullet back at Sara, then turns it into a Bonzai Bill.)**

 **Sara: Librul-**

 ***SHOOM!***

 **Everyone: (Well done.)**

 **Shulk: Thanks...**

 **Imagi: No problem!**

 **Lucina: I'm gonna kill you.**

 **Lucina: Me too.**

 **King: That's a thing now. Um... AH!**

 **Cop Lucina: What?**

 **FEA Lucina: Um...**

 **King: TA DA!**

* * *

 **?: Points for creativity. (Throws another dart at the wall.)**

 **Lauren: MMPH!**

 **?: YOU JUST WENT.**

 **Lauren: Mmph mmph.**

 **?: Oh... Right. That time eh? Well then...**


	13. We skipped Chapter 7

**So, um... I kinda skipped chapter 7 of Sara's story.**

 **Wendell:** _ **Cough cough**_ **word massacre** _ **cough cough.**_

* * *

I c Obema is stil payen libruls 2 insalt my storey. Wuts wors is taht alota tham r foreners so Epona

 **King: (Looks around.) Oh thank God.**

 **Lucina: We DON'T need him back...**

 **Link: (In a random ceiling vent.) Soon...**

isant evan crating Amurican jibs by doen this

 **Imagi: WE COULD BE PAID FOR THIS?! WHAT THE F*** ARE WE DOING THEN?!**

(nut taht Obaba lieks maekin Amerken joebs becuz he gets rad of them with his hi texas on teh job craters liek my dad and also wtih job-killen regalatons).

So aneyway I wantad my mom 2 let me stay hoem agen so i cold watch moar gam of throns (off coarse I didant tel her im watchen that becuz my parants dont want me 2 wach that), butt she mad me goto skool. My mom iz so meen!

 **Narrator: She is! I feel so sorry for the school...**

 **Imagi: ... (Puts down pillow.)**

 **Narrator: Thank you.**

Butt aneyway this tim i wuz watchen and teh gay guy who wantad 2 be keen is ded now. He wuz kill by his brothar Stains and a red-hared ladey. I remamber heerin a lon tim ago that teh vershan of Christenaty they hav in Briten is caled teh Chirch off Inglend. I gess in teh chirch off Engold tehy cal God "Rylor" becuz thats wut the red-hared ladey keeped callen him.

 **Lucina: I DON'T EVEN WATCH IT AND I KNOW THAT'S UTTER BULLS***!**

And than teh gay guys brothar tred 2 be keen and I wantad him 2 win becuz he kild the gay guy and wuz a Christen (even if he wuz teh Britash vershun of Christen witches a litol weerd) butt than he lose a big batol at teh and of sesan 2. Butt hes stil aliv so maybee he can be keen latur. Thats ho far i am rite now. Im getin board focasin on pepol otter than me in this storey nao

 **(Confetti.)**

 **King: SHE ADMITTED TO BEING A B****!**

 **Imagi: NACHOS!**

 **Lucina: ... What is happening?**

 **Wendell: (Wearing a sombrero.) NACHOS!**

 **Narrator: YAY!**

so Im goen bak 2 me and hopfully i no enuff abot Briten now (and ill still wach the rest of Gaem off Throns so my naxt chaptars in Briten wil be evan moor akurat)

 **Imagi: Right...**

CHAP 7: SARA ENTARS A JOST

Aftar I runned awey frum Lauren and Kayti and Motel Fave I fond I wuz lost in Briten. I sneeked thro a feald were pheasants wer picken craps becuz tehy wer 2 lazey 2 be nobels.

 **Wendell: HAVE YOU NOT SEEN BRITAIN?! IT IS NOTHING LIKE THIS?!**

Sumwher in the feld I gotted turd arond and startad walken bak teh way i cum butt i didant no that until i wuz bak in Keens Landen, teh crapital of Briten. Wen I gotted ther i sawed a sine taht sed "Bluddy jost 2day 2 win a bluddy trip 2 Harey Potars skool u wankars."

 **Narrator: Sounds pleasant.**

 **Lucina: I'd go!**

I desided ifi entared the jost and winned Id get 2 go2 Harey Potars skool and kill him so he coldnt teech Lauren moar majek to tune me in2 a lesban. Butt than i sawed the rools and onely nites cold entar the jost and gurls coldnt bee nites.

 **Lucina: (Pulls out Azure Spear.) I THINK NOT LASSIE!**

"Ono!" I sed 2 miself.

"Nead sum halp?" I hurd a Britash guy sed. I turnd arond and sawed it wuz Stanos frum Gaem of Throns!

"Hi Stanass how did u no i wuz hear" I sed.

"Teh red-hared ladey can see the futur by luken in fiar" Stains sed. Tahts on of the powars of teh Chirch of Eenland. I wondar if thats alos how Sholk can c tha futur.

 **King: No. Just, NO.**

 **Imagi: I WANNA DO DAT.**

 **Lucina: NO, NOT AFTER THE POP-TART INCIDENT.**

"So u no I want 2 entar the jost" I sed.

"Ya and I brot sum armoire so noone wil no ur a gurl. And alos i brotted a hoarse becuz u well ned on of thos in teh jost" sed Santos. So Stinass gived me teh stuf and leev.

 **Wendell: It's like he's a plot device! But that NEVER happens in this story!**

I putted on teh armar and gotted on tha hoarse. I rided 2 wer the jost wuz.

"'ello guvnuh this is were teh bluddy jost is" sed teh persan at teh gaet "wut iz ur bluddy naem."

I new I had 2 cum up with a Britash naem and it had 2 bee a guy naem or eels they wodant let me in the jost.

 **Imagi: Hm, I think-**

"My naem is Sur Jaems of Hose Bond" I sed.

 **Imagi: WHY?!**

"That is a very bluddy Britash naem butt ur vois dosant sond Britash" sed tha gaet persan. I new I had 2 do moor 2 prov I wuz Britash.

 **Narrator: DON'T-**

"Im vary bluddy Britash u wankar!" I sed.

 **Narrator: MOTHERF***ING SNAKE BULLETS!**

"Ok i gess u r bluddy Britash" sed gaet persan. So I rided my hoarse in2 teh jost plase. I gotted a speer and startad riden my hoarse at a nite who wuz on his hoarse with a speer 2. I nevar wuz in a jost b4 so i wuz afeared that teh nite wuz betar then me. So i put awey teh speer and goted ot my gun.

 **Lucina: OKAY, NOW THAT, THAT IS SOME GRADE A+++ BULLS***. I MEAN, COME THE F*** ON.**

The nite wuz weerin amour so teh ballots coldnt hurt him so I shat his hoarse and the hoarse dyed and the nite felled of. I wan teh furst jost. No1 in teh awdians new wut my gun wuz so they didant no I cheeted and I gotted 2 go2 teh naxt rond.

 **Wendell: I WILL RIP YOU APART WITH A SPORK. THAT IS BULL. Sure! MAYBE they don't know what a gun is in your f***ed up version of Britian, but still, I'M PRETTY SURE THEY CAN TELL YOU DIDN'T USE A SPEAR. I- I'm done... (Curls up on the couch and goes to sleep.)**

 **Imagi: Well then.**

In teh next rond i wuz agenst anotter nite and i shat his hoarse 2 win 2. Than I did teh saem 4 a few moar ronds until teh final jost of teh tornymant. I gotted reedy to rid agenst my oponant butt wen I tred 2 shat his hoarse I wuz outa ballets!

 **King: F*** YEAH!**

The last nite hitted me with his speer and i felled of my hoarse and lose teh jost (c Im not a marey su ifi lose sum tims).

 **Wendell: Grr...**

 **Lucina: Um...**

 **Wendell: (Burns down couch.) I WILL MURDER HER. (Starts burning everything.)**

 **Imagi: (Calmly making S'mores.)**

Wen I felled of my hoarse my hellmat felled of my hed and everone sawed I wuz a gurl. Tehn Lauren stud up becuz she wuz in teh awdians.

 **King: SOMEHOW! (Avoids debris.) WILL YOU STOP?!**

"Hey I no who taht is! Shes Sara and I wanna rap her!" Lauren sed. She jump ot of awdians and run tords me butt I get bak on my hoarse and rid awey becuz I coldnt run fats in my armoire. Butthan Lauren taked the hoarse frum anotter nite and startad riden aftar me. I wuz shur i wold be domed! We rided arond Keens Landen on r hoarses and her hoarse seem 2 be fastar and i wuz ot of ballets so i coldnt shit her. Than sudanly Matel Fase flyed don in frant of me and grabed my hoarse with his claws and kild it and i felled on teh grond agen. Lauren gotted of her hoarse and grab me.

 **Lucina: I didn't care about a single word of that because we know you escape.**

"Now im gona taek u 2 teh dunjun until im reedy 4 me and Kaytee 2 rap u!" So i wuz putin teh dunjun of teh palas. Ho wud i get ot of thes on?!

* * *

 **Wendell: (Angrily eating a box of fried chicken.)**

 **Lucina: Well, THAT happened.**

 **Link: HELLO!**

 **Wendell: LEAVE! (Punches Link through a window.)**


	14. Lucina's a sly devil!

**Lucina: I feel like I'm gonna get pissed off today.**

 **Imagi: That time of month eh?**

 **Lucina: (Shoots a bullet between Imagi's legs, bout a inch from his man bits.)**

 **Imagi: O_O**

 **Lucina: Anyone else?**

* * *

So I wented 2 skool 2 get a nurd to maek me stron enuf 2 beet catarpilar in Xenablad. Its alweys scarey to aproch nurd tabel at launch becuz Lauren sats with tham (tho she alweys gets up and walks awey wen i sho up. Prolly shes tryen 2 snek arond the cafteria and rap me wile my gard is don butt I nevar let my gard don).

 **King: No. You aren't good enough for rape.**

Specken of Lauren shes starten 2 tak aftar the nurds she hans ot with liek she use 2 wer contakts butt she stop doen that and wer glasas nao and alos her cloths arnt the bets disaner cloths anemore.

 **Imagi: Wait, people still care about that?**

 **Lucina: Only white people like her.**

I men shes stil reely relly pritty and infakt evan her glasas r pritty and lok grate on her butt shes an evul lesban and im strate so we cant be frends.

 **Narrator: THEN STOP CALLING LAUREN PRETTY. I MEAN, SHE IS, BUT STILL.**

 **Wendell: You need to get laid...**

 **King: Seriously.**

Becky ofall pepole agred 2 help me beet tha katarapillor as long asi bot 4 3DS 4 her 4 yunger siblans becuz her famly is so pore (prolly becuz her parrots r so lazey and dum so they dont hav munny) they hav 2 shar 1 3DS.

 **Imagi: What?**

Alos she wants munny 2 bye 4 copays of teh noo smash bras gaem wen it cums ot so ech of her siblans wil get on becuz she gotted the munny 2 preordar it 4 her burthday (lol, onely on gaem 4 her burthday? Her parants muts be reely lazey 2 bee that pore).

 **Lucina: SHE DARES TO-**

 **King: HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?! God, GET YOUR S*I* TOGETHER YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!**

 **Wendell: We need another translator!**

 **King: I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU LADY. SERIOUSLY.**

I dont no wat Becky herself wil get frum thes sins everthin wil go 2 her yunger siblans butt I gess shes a stooped librul so it dosant matar.

 **Imagi: God, I think the libruls are the good guys and we;re just seeing the opposing side and all the reasons we should hate it!**

 **Wendell: I- Okay, that makes sense.**

I didant agre at frits butt than she sad she wold alos get me passed an evul lizzard a bit farthar in the caev that isant as powarfel as the catropilar butt is stil pritty stron. So I agred 2 do thes and rite aftar Im dun writen chaptar ill wakl 2 stor and bye 4 3DS.

 **Imagi: And I'll burn down your house while you're gone!**

 **Lucina: I'M COMING TOO!**

CHAP 13: SATENS TROPE

 **Narrator: That would be... Trope #329!**

* * *

Me and Lucina and Sholk wented in2 subspas and sudanly we were ataked by subspas stuf. We wer exceptin this becuz we had 2 be clos 2 Satin and so his minyons wold be garden him. We defeeted tha badguys and goed farter in2 subspas.

"Wer in subspas do u think Satin is" sed Sholk.

 **Wendell: ... Did he just make a joke?**

"Theres a rome that u can see frum the tv skreen rom in the Manshan and thats wer Satin lieks 2 held meetins off all his evul folawers. So I thenk he mite be their" I sed.

 **King: THEN HOW COME YOU DON'T USE-**

 **Imagi: AGREEING! (Throws pillow.)**

"Sems lik it mite be the beast plas 2 lok" sed Lucina.

"It muts be wer Satin is keepan God and Jesas captar" Sholk sed.

So we fotted thro mor subspas stuf an denims frum Hell and evan sum angles that wer rap in2 been gay wen Satin concurred hevan. The fites wer hard butt we wan al of tham. As we gotted closar 2 the rome wer we thot Satin wode be the enemas got tuffer and tuffer so we nood it had 2 be the rite plase. We entard the rome and sawed that Satin wuz their. Butt God and Jesas wernt!

 **Narrator: Why would they be? I mean, it's CLASSIC bad guy!**

"Hello Sara I new u wood cum!" he sed.

 **Wendell: ... Nah.**

"Wer r God and Jesas?" sed Lucina.

"Their not hear!" sed Satin.

"Ono! We cum hear for noting!" sed Sholk.

"No wecan atlest kill Satin!" I sed. I gotted ot a gun and shat Satin but the ballet bonced of with a metol sond! This wuzant the reel Stan at all! IT WUZ A ROBAT SATEN!

 **King: Why is that so awesome in my head?**

 **Imagi: I WANT THAT!**

"Mwa! Ha! Ha! Nao u no the trooth! Im not the reel Satin ima robat!" sed Robat Satin "and thes wuz a tarp becuz the reel Staten noed ud cum hear!"

Sudanly the dore slam shut behind us and Lauren and Kayti imerg frum the draknes!

 **Lucina: YESYESYESYES-**

 **Wendell: Why are you bothering?**

 **Lucina: OPTIMISM!**

"We didant rap u in Briten butt well rap u nao Sara!" sed Lauren.

"No ples dont!" I sed.

"2 laet well rap u and Lucina 2 and than well hav a lesban ogre!"

 **Lucina: Whoa. Whoa. WHOA. No. No thank you, I am good!**

sed Kayti butt it wuz hard 2 here her becuz her noes wuz so big she had 2 staned far awey.

"Wut abot me?" sed Sholk.

 **Narrator: What do you think?**

"Well captar u untel we brin a gay guy hear 2 rap u" sed Robat Saten.

 **Narrator: EXACTLY ROBOT SATAN!**

"Ono! We ned 2 get awey!" I sed.

"U cant the dores lacked!" sed Lauren.

"Butt the Monsanto can kil robats!" sed Sholk (spekin of taht ho can Sholk us the Toronto his gaem sez onely the guy who loks liek Jesas butt is reely naem Dungbin or sumthin can us the Mongolo?).

 **King: Sheer, unadultareted badassery.**

So Sholk runned at Robet Satin and slised him in haf with the Monitor.

"Ha! Butt it cant kil humens!" sed Lauren.

"Butt my sord can!" sed Lucina.

She runed at Lauren and try 2 kil her butt Lauren dogged Lucinas atecks and than Kaylee noked Lucina 2 the grond with her noes. Than Lauren and Kayti startad taken Lucinas cloths of!

 **Lucina: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-**

 **Imagi: NO! (Covers with a pillow.)**

 **Lucina: MMPH!**

 **Imagi: I DON'T CARE. YOU ARE NOT DOING THAT AGAIN.**

"Lucina! NO!" I sed.

"Hurray Sara! U ned 2 run awey!" Lucina sed "Its 2 laet 4 me Im gona be rap!"

"Butt than ull be a evul lesban!" I sed "I wont let that hapen! Ur my frend!"

"If u try 2 saev me than ull be rap 2!" sed Lucina.

 **Lucina: Well, at least I'm happy! Yay...**

"Ur my beast frend in the Manshan and we cant be frends anemore if ur a lesban and also ull be evul and werk 4 Satin and go2 Hell" I sed.

 **Narrator: SHE ALMOST SAID A NICE THING. Then the other bull happened.**

"If u try 2 saev me al that wil hapan is ull be rap 2. Its 2 lat 4 me!" Lucina sed. "Sholk! The Minato can cute threw the dores rite?"

 **Lucina: WAIT, WHAT ABOUT THE BULLSHIT CURE FROM THE OTHER STORY?!**

"Rite" sed Sholk.

"Than nok Sara unconshus and taek her ot of hear!" Lucina sed.

"Ok" sed Sholk. B4 I cold do anethin Sholk noked me unconshus. Wen I waked up Me and Sholk gotted awey and wer in a feld.

"Wy did u do that!" I sed "We cold hav saev Lucina!"

"No we coldant" sed Sholk "The Munafo cant hirt humens and u ussed al of ur balets expect on wen u fot the catarpilar and u us the lats on on Robat Stan."

 **King: I feel bad for the caterpillar's family...**

"Butthan... that meens Lucinas a lesban nao!" I sed.

"Rite" sed Sholk "and shell try 2 rap u wen u c her agen."

"Butt... butt... we wer frends" I startad cryan.

 **Wendell: Is... Is she trying to show emotion?**

 **All: ... Nah!**

"It dosant matar. Lesbans r evul and want 2 maek moar lesbans bye rapen strate gurls.

 **Wendell: KNEW IT!**

 **Lucina: B**** I STOP THAT S*** ON A DAILY BASIS.**

 **Imagi: Hey the censor's working!**

 **(Ampharos walks out.)**

 **Gigawatt: (Groucho Marx impression.) Yo' welcome.**

 **King: YOU WISH YOU WERE HIM.**

 **Gigawatt: F*** OFF! (Walks back to the Pokemon room.)**

Tahts al they liek 2 do expect shop at Hom Deepo" sed Sholk.

 **Lucina: But I NEEDED that power drill!**

 **Imagi: FOR WHAT?!**

 **Lucina: ... Stuff.**

 **Narrator: Right...**

I noed this wuz troo butt it wuz reely sad that Me and Lucina coldant be frends anemore.

 **Lucina: WHOO! GO ME, AND DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE NOW!**

"This is al ur falt!" I smak Sholk in the fase "If u didant nok be unconshus I coldof fond sum wey 2 beet Lauren and Kaety and saev Lucina b4 she wuz rap!"

 **King: We care so much...**

I runed awey cryen.

"Sara! Wate!" sed Sholk. He runed aftar me. So I startad runen fastor. Sun I wuz bak at the Manshan and Lucina wuz waten by the ladar. I wuz scarred.

 **Lucina: ME, CATCH! (Pulls out a giant Gatling GUn from nowhere.)**

 **Imagi: WHERE DID YOU GET THAT.**

"Cum on Sara" Lucina sed "we ned 2 get bak 2 ditenshun b4 Mastar Haned relizes we wer gon."

"Butt... arnt u a lesban nao?" I wuz confus.

"Yes Ima lesban nao. And Im hapyar than iv evar ben in my lief" she sad "butt I cant rap u rite nao becuz theres Christen smashars waiten in the rom up their and if u screem they mite cum saev u."

 **Narrator: :O**

"Butt wy dont u want Mastur Hanes 2 no we escap?" I wuz stil vary confus. If Lucina wuz a lesban nao, wy wood she halp me.

 **Wendell: Is this Lucina... being a cunning devil?**

 **Imagi: No way.**

"Its simpol. I may be a lesban nao, butt we stil hav the sam rom in the Manshan. If Mastor Hen fines ot abot r escap, he mite maek r ditenshun longar. Butt wen r ditenshun is ovar well boht hav 2 gobak 2 r rom. And than Ill rap u. So ucan c wy I dont want Mister Hond 2 maek ditenshun longor."

 **King: GOD DAMN CHILD. CALM YO' ELF.**

Lucina startad laffin evully, butt I had no choose. I coldant let Mustard Hans no abot r escap, so I had to clim the leder aftar Lucina. Sholk cot up a litol latar and than wen we wer bak in tha ditenshun rom Ryne and Fyora and Gud Clon Sara leev. Than I startad cryen agen.

 **Lucina: (Clapping with tears in her eyes.) I love me...**

* * *

 **Lucina: I WANNA CELEBRATE! Who's hungry?!**

 **Imagi: Heh, she's happy.**

 **King: I'll say. Hey, when's the next kill?**

 **Narrator: Chapter 18 if I'm correct. The people ned to leave in a review what they look like, their weapon, and any important actions...**

 **Wendell: WHO CARES?! ALL YOU CAN EAT MEAT PLACE HERE I COME!**


	15. Hiatus

I'm done with this story right now. I'm just going to write for SVPD and something. Maybe I can get to that Pokemon story... Anyway, I figure, I WON'T use Sara. I'll write a story, finish, then come back to this. Oh, and one more thing. Lucina, come here!

Lucina: (Walks in.) Lucina, come here!

Lucina: (Walks in.) Yes Lucina?

Lucina: People seem to be confused as to our current existence! Will you explain?

Lucina: Yes. I am the Lucina from Fire Emblem Awakening, the one that time traveled back and called myself Marth. I also wore the mask. (Pulls out the mask.) See?

Lucina: I am the SVPD version. This is NOT the same Lucina, as this is basically working off the principle of a thing known as AU. Basically, the Smashers are people. Cops, strippers, family people, a Mayor's assistant. I happen to be a cop, with a partnership I formed with Greninja, who's still a frog. But, if you would just read the story (It's called SVPD.) We could all avoid this arguing and get along! Ah, who am I kidding, it's the Internet, no one gets along! I'm the Lucina that King uses in his commentary! The other Lucina is the one that belongs to the game he wishes he could play.

Both: GOT IT?!


	16. We're back, with shock collars!

?: Now King, what do you think you've done wrong?

King: (Sigh.) I made a terrible desicsion on my part. The white jokes were in poor taste, and maybe I did go overboard at times...

?: Now, what eles do you have to say?

King: (Faces Camera.) I don't regret these stories. At all. I also don't regret Lucina. I have stated multiple times that she is not the one from Fire Emblem Awakening, she is the version I made for SVPD.

* * *

Imagi: Why am I here?

?: We need you to sign this contract.

Imagi: (Reads.) Hm...

* * *

?: Lucina, how do you feel knowing your hated because of a misunderstanding?

Lucina: To put it simply? It sucked. (Lights cigar.)

?: No smoking.

Lucina: Screw you.

* * *

Narrator: Innuendos?

?: Do you even have to ask?

Narrator: Right...

* * *

Wendell: What did I do?

?: Nothing, we just have to ask you a couple questions.

* * *

 **King: (Walks into room.) Hey guys.**

 **Imagi: Yo. Been about a week hasn't it?**

 **King: Yep.**

 **Narrator: (Breathes.) I got this...**

Rite nao im in a difrant rome writen on a labtop insted off my usal commuter becuz Becky is in my rom playen Xenabald. Wen she cum 2 my hose she sed the antire rooster off the noo Smash Boars gaem is on intranet and shoed me sum pictars. I laffed becuz they wer obveus faek.

 **Narrator: AW F*** N- OIUEWHOIWNFOENOESVOUV! (Falls down burnt from electrocution.)**

* * *

 **Imagi turned to the psychiatrist, whose name tag read Guinevere. "THE HELL DID YOU DO?!"**

 **Guinevere looked up from her clipboard. "Oh, we just had you all ingest a chip that goes off if you swear or make a dirty joke."**

 **Lucina gaped at her. "That CAN'T be legal."**

 **"It is and it's called mental pain training. We're setting you to hate swearing OR making those kinds of jokes."**

 **Narrator raised a finger. "Hate you. Hate this. Hate everyone of you bast- OUBSAIBCSAJC-**

 **Wendell stared at him. "Well, better him than us."**

 **Narrator shot him the bird. He was shocked again.**

* * *

On of tham was Doktar Marik wich is jus stooped.

 **King: So thought the internet, but Nintendo was just too good at trolling.**

Than theres Dork Pete who is Pot expect hes Drake.

 **Lucina: ... Wonder who's Madonna then?**

Than theres Duke Haunt whos a doug with a dick on his bak.

 **Imagi: (Opens mouth.)**

 **Guinevere: ...**

 **Imagi: (Closes mouth.)**

And thers alos Bowzar Junor who Becky sez is Boozers sun. Becky muts thank im reely stooped 2 fal for thos pictars wich she obveusly mad in fotoshap in liek ten minuets.

 **Wendell: Well, if you can make a pizza** **into a hot woman in a bikini... Meh.**

I meen Dr Maryo and Derek Pit and Duk Cunt and Bosore Juno? Wy wod they getin insted off otter pepole?

 **Lucina: Because the state has placed a forty-five foot radius between you and all otters at all times.**

Aneway I hop Becky gets dun soon becuz I dont lick her and I want her 2 leev my hose.

 **Narrator: You could at least give her a glass of water you dumb b- ECJDSNCUJCBSJBCOSDJVDOJVN!**

 **Imagi: I think he's gonna have brain damage!**

 **Guinevere: Not my problem!**

CHAP 14: EVERON IS SADE ABOT LUCINA BEAN A LESBAN

 **Lucina: I'm not, and I'M LUCINA!**

 **Imagi: No.**

 **Lucina: ... Dammit. I'm not.**

* * *

Ass I stay in ditenshun 4 the naxt few days I kep cryan abot wat hapen 2 Lucina.

 **King: GROW SOME B-**

 **Guinevere: Ahem.**

 **King: ... Butterfly wings?**

 **Guinevere: Better.**

Mark wuz sad 2 becuz his sitar wuz goen to Hell nao becuz shes a lesban. And Guy Roban wuz sad taht his gurlfren braked up with him and liek gurls nao. Everon wuz vary vary sad. Butt I wuz the sadist of al becuz Lucina wuz my bettest frend evar and no we coldant be frends.

"Wy cant u be strate agen?" I aksed Lucina.

 **Wendell: Wait, she was right there the whole time? Huh. I completely forgot that.**

"Becuz im a evul lesban nao and I liek gurls" Lucina sed "It maks me vary hapey and wen I rap u than ull be hapey 2 bee a lesban 2."

"It dosant mater if im hapey!" I sed "I dont wana go2 Hell!"

 **Narrator: (Better.) So... You'd be sad and go to Heaven? I've been to Hell, they exaggarate the fire and brimstone. That's for the murderers and rapists. The rest is like Los Angleles during the summer.**

"U shud stop beleev the bibal and becum a librul liek me Sara" sed Lucina "can u imogene wut it muts be liek 2 kis gurls withot been afred of goen 2 hell? Or evan 2 hav sax with gurls? Its reely fun."

 **Lucina: I did that once.**

 **Imagi: CONTINUE.**

 **Guinevere: You won't or it's a shock for the both of you.**

"That dosant matar! God maed gurls so pritty and maed us fel gud wen we kis tham becuz he wants 2 test us 2 see if well be strate and marey a guy and hav childrans and be a propar hoswief aneway.

 **Wendell: ... That is a DUMB test. Seriously.**

Ur fallen the test Lucina and if u dont repant than ur goen to HELL!" I sed.

"If its a test than ull fale 2 aftar ditenshun is ovar and I maek u a lesban" sed Lucina.

 **Lucina: I am an EVIL little devil. I LOVE IT! (Hugs a pillow.)**

As muk as I hatted 2 admin it Lucina was rite abot that. I neded 2 fine a noo romate 4 wen ditenshun was ovar. I desided 2 ask otter pritty strate Christen gurls. I went 2 Paloteena becuz she wuz a vary impotent and powarfel angle and wuz bos 2 a buncha otter angles liek Pete.

 **Narrator: and, you know, IGNORE she's a goddess...**

"Hi Pulletina do u wanna be my romate wen im ot off ditenshun?" I sed.

"Ok" sed Palootina.

 **King: Master Hand PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ-**

"Sara! Wy do u want 2 get a noo romate?" I didant evan reeliz that Mister Hen had cum in tha rume.

 **King: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS.**

Lucina startad 2 pritend to cry.

"Its becuz Sara fond ot im a lesban and nao shes bean reel meen and intolerate" Lucina sed.

"Sara is this troo?" Nastier Han sed "do u not want 2 be frends with Lucina jus becuz shes a lesban?"

"Thats rite butt lesbans r evul and Lucina wants 2 maek me a lesban 2 by rappen me" I sed.

 **Imagi: Well, that's been admitted. You are so screwed.**

"Thats ridikolos" sed Muster Hanes "u and Lucina wer romates b4 and she didant try 2 rap u. She muts hav bean a lesban the hole tim becuz pepole r borne that way!"

 **Wendell: Thank you you beautiful glove. One day, we will rescue you. And we will buy you all the glove polish we can get.**

"No thats a lye noone is bored a lesban! U becum 1 if u hav sax with otter gurls" I sed.

"Thats stooped"

 **King: (Tips hat.)**

sed Mastar Hind "thats not wat the medea tels me."

 **King: (Untips hat.)**

"Thats becuz the midea is librul lyes expect 4 Fux Noose" I sed.

 **King: (Tips hat back with a sigh of relief.)**

"Enuf Sara!" sed Mastur Hans "apologiz 2 Lucina or ill maek u stay in ditenshun evan longar!"

"Its ok" Lucina sed "plees dont punash Sara aney moar. I jus want 2 be frends withot her bean hatful 2 me 4 who i am."

 **Lucina: Hold on. (Draws a halo over Lucina, and devil horns on Sara.) Better!**

"Ok" sed Mastar Gland "C Sara? Lucina is a gud persan and she forgivs u evan tho u wer meen 2 her. Shes a gud frend 2 u and u sholdant stop been frends with her just becuz shes a lesban. Im not gona evar let u mov 2 a difrant rome wen ur ditenshun is ovar."

I noed the reel resin Lucina didant want me 2 get moar ditenshun is so she cold rap me sonar butt i aslo noed Mitser Hanf wudant evar beleev me.

 **Narrator: Well, it is hard for an idiot to convince a smart person their idea is right.**

I had 2 fine a otter way outa thes! Alos the ditenshun 4 the otter Christen Smashars wold end sun and onely Sholk wold still be in ditenshun 2 protract me frum Lucina and I wuz stil made at him becuz he woldant let me sav Lucina frum becuman a lesban in the firts plase. I wuz reely scarred abot wat wold hapan!

 **Lucina: (Eating popcorn.) I'M SO EXCITED!**

* * *

 **King: CAN WE LEAVE?!**

 **Guinevere: Yes.**

 **Imagi: RUN FOR IT! (Makes a break for the door.)**

 **Guinevere: However, if you go to far, they will shock you again. They will NOT come off until this story is done. Is that clear?**

 **Wendell: Okay...**


	17. All the Fathers are NUTS!

**(Looks at Guinevere.)**

 **Guinevere: STILL not coming out.**

 **DAMMIT!**

* * *

So wen Becky wuz playen Xenablad 4 me she sed she halped ot a buncha pepole in the town who kept askin me 2 do stuf 4 tham. She cald this doen "sidkwests".

 **King: Something new to you because of-**

Shes such a librul al those pepole in the town shold jus stop bean lazey and do stuf 4 thamselfs why shold anyon halp them?

 **King: THAT.**

She told me she manage 2 get passed the catapilar withot evan fittin it tho so wut wuz the pint of halpin the lazey pepole in the town?!

 **Imagi: To be a nice person. And seriously, HOW did you not see those stairs?**

Libruls r so stooped!

 **Narrator: They learned from Ze best! You.**

Aneway Becky stop playen otsid the plase with the either silanders and so I gotted tham and fot sum stuf robats and than some otter robats atecked leeded by Mental Fake

 **Lucina: Otherwise known as what clones go through! Poor me.**

(who didant talk 4 sum resin evan tho he did in the vido that shoed Sholk). And than Mattel Fase killed Feora!

 **Wendell: If King hadn't played the game, I'd be so mad right now.**

Wy did that hapan she wuz kinda pritty!

 **Narrator: AND NOT BECAUSE SHE HAD GREAT CHARACTER AND THE LIKE.**

Wel shes stil gona be aliv in my storey. And nao I hav 2 go thro caev agen. The catpilar is bak butt I can go into the map 2 telapart passed it (wy woldant the gaem let me do that last tim?)

 **Imagi: Fast Travel bulls- JSANDIANCIUSN IDNV! (Falls onto his bean bag smoking.)**

 **Guinevere: AND YOU WERE DOING SO WELL.**

espeshully sins I jus hav Sholk and Rine nao so it wold be evan hardar evan tho im ALOT strongar aftar Becky did watever she did 2 maek me strongar wen she wuz playen.

 **King: Ah, the powers of grinding!**

Aslo I herd sum pepole sayen that the karacters Becky sed wold be in the gaem r reel. Lol thats so stooped Ill fine ot whos reely in the gaem in octaber.

 **Lucina: I'll be there, with them all, laughing at you, because you'll be the idiot, and I'm a little devil now- GOD I LOVE THAT!**

 **Narrator: I feel strangely afraid now.**

 **Lucina: Regardless, what's the chapter name-**

CHAP 15: MARK AND LUCINAS DAD

 **Lucina: SON OF A F*****- 8DNCUSDNC8UEVNRUV.**

 **Narrator: ... Thanks?**

 **Guinevere: You're welcome!**

* * *

So it wuz neerly 2 weaks latar and all the Christen smashars expect Me and Sholk wer almos dun with ditenshun. That ment taht Sholk wold be the onley on who cold protract me frum Lucina.

 **Lucina: AS IF THAT LTINY BRITISH D- USIANDSIVNSVNSI-**

 **Guinevere: Lucina no.**

 **Imagi: What she said.**

And than sins Mastar Hen woldant let me chang romes awey frum Lucina that ment that as the days wenton it wold son be tim wen noone cold sav me frum bean rap!

 **King: ... Get a baseball bat? ANY weapon? That shotgun would do! (Pulls out shotgun.) See? Wait...**

 **Guinevere: I will fry your innards if you try.**

 **King: Aw...**

Ther wuz the cur that got rid of homasexalty last tim, butt that wuz mad by my Sevant Grad Englush Teecher Tiffany butt she wuz marey 2 Mr Jonson nao

 **Wendell: So THAT'S why she's gone!**

 **Lucina: And why the stupid cure's gone.**

so he woldant let her maek it agen and the bibal sez that womans shold alweys obay ther hubsand even if hes a horabel evul persan and she hats him (thats wut my mom tels me),

 **King: Has anyone told you your Mom may be a bit cuckoo? Well, I guess your whole FAMILY is, but still...**

so if Tiffany halped us maek the cur agen shed go2 Hell 4 disobay her hubbard evan if it wuz 4 a gud caus.

 **Narrator: You know, I read the Bible once. The meat rule is stupid, and you go to Hell for the dumbest things. Seriously, I have Satan AND God on Speed Dial.**

 **Guinevere: He's kidding right.**

 **Imagi: Nope.**

 **Wendell: They're actually quite pleasant, as long as they don't see each other. That Thanksgiving Dinner proved that...**

 **King: We had to replace HALF of my kitchen appliances...**

So we neded anotter plan.

"Maybe we can snek ot agen and aks my dad wut 2 do" sed Matt "aslo we ned 2 tel my parants the bad noos abot Lucina been a lesban nao."

"Ok" I sed. So Me an Palletuna and Sholk and Marp sneked ot.

 **All: SOMEHOW!**

Lucina agred 2 pritend 2 be her brothar becuz if Mastar Han fond ot abot us escap he wold giv me moar ditenshun and than Lucina wold hav 2 wate longar 2 rap me. And Gud Clon Sara and Rien cum bak 2 pritend 2 be Me and Sholk agen, and Fiona came bak this tim with gren hare 2 pritend 2 be Poontangia.

 **Lucina: I need a second JUST for that name. I mean, WHAT IS THAT? It sounds like a island in the Mediterranean sea!**

So Me and Pootuna and Sholk and Mart wented 2 Mark and Lucinas hose wich wuz in there wolrd. Wen we gotted there I sawed there mom wuz in the kichan makin sum fod butt i dont no hoo she iz.

 **King: Probably Samus for all she cares.**

Mark and Lucinas dad wuz wachen Fax Noos and smokan a sigaret.

 **Lucina: THAT'S MY STICK! Also, Fox News? Seriously? Have you SEEN them?**

He wuz the guy who got beated up by Capten Falken.

 **Imagi: OH THANK GOD IT'S NOT SNAKE! WHOO!**

"Hi im Marht and Lucinas dad" he introdus himsalf.

 **Narrator: She... Has NO idea what his name is does she?**

 **Guinevere: NO S***.**

 **Narrator: OH COME ON!**

"Hi im Sara" I sed.

"'Ello Guvnuh im Sholk" sed Sholk.

"Hi im Palpatine" sed Pulletina.

 **Wendell: Do it.**

 **Lucina: Do it.**

 **King: I hope someone gets this... (-_-')**

"Ok so Mart wy r u hear dont u hav the Smash bors thin" sed Maert and Lucinas dad.

"Theres sum treble abot Lucina" sed Mark "she wuz rap bye lesbans and nao shes a lesban 2."

 **Imagi: TOO? What. is there a third sister or brother they don't talk about because they were gay too?**

Marp and Lucinas mom herd that in the kichan and she startad cryen. There dad wuz a man tho so he didant cry insted he got reely angry and yell a buncha bad werds and throwed the tv remot at the wal and braked it.

 **Narrator: I wish we could do that, but we'd be shocked by a redhead therapist...**

 **Guinevere: Yo.**

"Taek me 2 ur sitter!" he sed 2 March.

"Ok dad" sed Math.

So there dad came withus bak 2 Manshan and clim the ladar in2 ditenshun rome.

"Hi dad gess wat" Lucina sed "ima lesban nao."

 **Lucina: And not a single-**

"Stop callen me dad than" sed Mart and Lucinas dad "ur no dotter off mine if ur not strate."

 **Lucina: Whoa.**

 **Imagi: THAT'S a tad bit extreme...**

 **Wendell: COMING FROM YOU?!**

"Ha!" sed Lucina "I dont lov my famely ima lesban. I do wanna rap Mom tho so shell be a lesban 2." (c this provs im not a lesban becuz the idea off sax with my mothra is vary disgussing 2 me evan tho shes a women and lesbans liek sax with womans. Ho dose it fell 2 be prov ron libruls?)

 **King: (Looks around.) D-did one of us say that she wanted to have sex with her mother?**

 **All: No.**

 **King: Thought so.**

"U shold be vary thankful that ima Christen. Becuz if I wuzant I wold hav maed ur mom get a aberration wen I fond ot u wold be a gurl!" sed Marp and Lucinas dad. Thats wat my dad sez 2 me wen I bothar him 2 much.

 **Imagi: Yep. Your family is CRAZY.**

Sudanly Mattster Ham flyed it loken vary anger. Lucina imediately startad 2 pritend 2 cry agen.

"I herd everthin u sed!" he sed "and ur a terabel farter!"

 **Narrator: Yes. Yes he is.**

 **Lucina: ...** _ **I'm confused to whether or not I should punch him for being a little kid or not. Well played Narrator. Well played indeed.**_

"Butt hes dosant reely meen wat he sed abot the albertan" I sed "thats wut my mom tels me ons my dad leevs the rom aftar sayen thins liek this."

 **Wendell: The money she probably gives you doesn't hurt either...**

"It dosant matter. U shold nevar say that 2 ur dotter and alos u shold except her 4 been who she is evan if shes a lesban" sed Mastar Hond.

 **King: You know, I wonder what this entire story looks like from Master Hand's point of view...**

"No shes no dotter off mine anemor until I fine a cur 2 maek her strate agen" sed Mart and Lucinas dad.

 **Imagi: You ARE a terrible father. Seriously, call Social Services on your fathers!**

"Get ota my Manshan u stooped intolerate Christen!" sed Mister Hung. He garbed March and Lucinas dad and throwed him reely hared ot the widow.

"Ow!" he sed wen he hit the grond.

"And if u evar bothar Lucina agen im gona call the polite" sed Mustard Hemp.

"Thanks Mastar Hen ur a betar dad than my reel dad" sed Lucina.

 **Guinevere: How is he NOT the hero?**

 **Imagi: You know, if you wanna comment, you gotta be in here.**

 **Guinevere: (Presses button.)**

 **Imagi: JSDNSJCNIVDOIWNQODW-**

"I feel reely bad 4 how intolerate these Christens r been off u Lucina espeshully ur fathar so Ill taek awey ur ditenshun" sed Monster Han.

"Thats ok I no I did bad stuf 2 deserv 2 be hear" sed Lucina "maybe u shold let Sholk leev ditenshun insted."

 **Wendell: She's determined, that's for sure.**

"Im sorey I cant do that" Mister Hanes sed. He finely did sumthin that wold halp me becuz if Sholk wuzant in ditenshun than noone wold protract me frum Lucina "butt u can leev ditenshun wenevar u fell liek it."

"Ok butt ill stay" sed Lucina.

"Ok" Matterhorn sed and he leev. Than Lucina loked at me and startad laffen evully.

 **Lucina: MWAHAHAHA-**

 **Wendell: NO.**

"Im gona rap u b4 2 lon Sara" she sed "and than ull be a lesban 2."

"Dont wary" Mart whispared in by eer "ons my ditenshun is ovar tomoro ill fine my dad agen and well maek a cur 4 Lucina."

 **Lucina: BUT I LIKE ME.**

I hopped Marht and his dad wold fine a cur in tim b4 my ditenshun was ovar and Lucina rap me!

* * *

 **Hey everyone! The killing scene is NEXT chapter, so you better get on it if you wanna join in on the fun! ADIOS MUCHACHOS!**


	18. Special one!

**I feel like doing something I haven't done yet. I WILL REPLY TO EVERY REVIEW ON THIS STORY!**

* * *

1\. BiancaShiro

I'm sorry, but you cannot do this. Neither MST fics or chat/script fics are allowed on this site.

Please move this to another site or I'm afraid I'll have to report this.

 **King: Well, I know I can't. However, it's fun to see how far I get!**

* * *

2\. Guest

BiancaShiro MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS YOU FUCKING LITTLE BITCH AND FYI CRITICS UNITED ARE NOT THE ADMINS OF THE SITE. THEY NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF FUCKING WHINE ASS PRICKS THAT NEED TO GET A FUCKING LIFE. WHICH IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO

 **King: Damn... Well, I could appreciate people with an opinion, but... Maybe a bit TOO much?**

* * *

3\. MrGoodyTwoShoes

Entries not allowed:

1\. Non-stories: lists, bloopers, polls, previews, challenges, author notes, and etc.

2\. One or two liners.

3\. MST: comments inserted in between the flow of a copied story.

4\. Stories with non-historical and non-fictional characters: actors, musicians, and etc.

5\. Any form of interactive entry: choose your adventure, second person/you based, Q&As, and etc.

6\. Chat/script format and keyboard dialogue based entries.

Your story is not allowed under section 6 of the guidelines.

Try writing your story like a traditional story and not in script format as stories written like that are not allowed here. A simple and quick fix would be writing the dialogue with 'King said' followed by quotation marks ("") around the speaking parts.

Example from your story:

As you have it - King: Oh no...

as it should be - King gasped "Oh no..."

Hope this helps.

MGTS of Critics United

 **King: I appreciate it, but... Yeah. Maybe when I do My Immortal or My Inner Life M'kay?**

4\. yolo911

LUCINA THOUGH LOLOLOL XD Great story, please continue!

 **Lucina: I TRY!**

 **King: SHOO SHOO! THanks Yolo, I'm glad you're enjoying it!**

* * *

5\. Yolo911

Thanks. Now I can't read Chapter 6. But I'm laughing so hard XD

 **King: This doesn't make much sense, but still, glad you are!**

* * *

6\. 4tssmashloid

Ah, the moment when Lucina lost it.

By the way, as a Xenoblade fan, this is the most screwed-up thing to read. The whole game comes down to Shulk defeating a god (minor spoilers).

Very entertaining!

 **King: First, HOW IS THE MAIN CHARACTER SOMEHOW DEFEATING A GOD MINOR SPOILERS?! And yes, It pisses me off too. Thanks though!**

* * *

7\. yolo911

I actually can understand what's going on in the fanfic even though Sara sucks at spelling. Lucky me.

 **King: Poor you... Wendell, CUDDLE!**

 **Wendell: YAS!**

* * *

8\. Space Mercutio

Like BiancaShiro and MrGoodyTwoShoes said, this is an MST and done in chat/script format, which means it goes against the rules of submission.

 **King: BUT IT'S FUN THOUGH!**

* * *

9\. Since feeling is first

OK, this needs to stop.

You are a registered member of this website. Therefore, you MUST have somehow clicked an agreement to the TERMS OF SERVICE, listed here: tos/

I'm going to cite this quickly, and if you don't believe me, just follow the yellow-brick URL.

"You further agree that you will not, in connection with User Submissions, submit material that is contrary to the Community Guidelines, found at guidelines/..."

And if we follow that URL, we may stumble upon this gem:

"Entries not allowed:

Non-stories: lists, bloopers, polls, previews, challenges, author notes, and etc.

One or two liners.

MST: comments inserted in between the flow of a copied story.

Stories with non-historical and non-fictional characters: actors, musicians, and etc.

Any form of interactive entry: choose your adventure, second person/you based, Q&As, and etc.

Chat/script format and keyboard dialogue based entries."

Your story violates two of these guidelines: your story is an MST, and it is all written in script format, with the exception of the material you copy-pasted from the original fanfic.

Furthermore, your story contains a story that violates another one of these guidelines: it contains non-historical and non-fictional characters, a few of them being Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, and Robert E. Lee.

I suggest you delete this "fanfic" or request it for deletion, or sooner or later someone else will do it FOR you.

And please make sure you read the Terms of Service and the Guidelines for posting fanfictions. It's good to think before you act.

 **King: A, The Historical Characters? Not me. Everything else? Already said.**

* * *

10\. A La Review

Okay, I'm completely fed up with this: you're a bigger hypocrite, and arguably even a worse writer, than Sara.

 **King: D8 YOU DID NOT GO THERE. HOW DARE YOU- No, no... You are an adult, be respectful... Continue.**

At least she was intentionally trolling, but you're being serious. Practically everyone who bothers to write more than one line in their review is calling you out, and you just shout at them to shut up and that 'don't like, don't read' nonsense.

 **King: Um... That NONSENSE? It's called an opinion. Yes, I now know people have one.**

First, who else completely ignored and insulted their reviewers who called them out? Yep; Sara. Second, if you don't want people complaining about this story, then don't write it.

 **King: BUT THEN AN IDEA WOULD BE GONE YOU FOOL.**

Don't tell us not to read it, or accept the fact that people are going to call you out if you break the rules intentionally and continue to break them even after people continually point them out. That's what you've done wrong, and that's what you're continuing to do wrong.

 **King: Isn't it lovely?**

This story (like your others) is also filled with more OCs and self-inserts than Smash Bros characters, and all of them are either boring, bland, underdeveloped or downright annoying. And guess what that also describes? Yep; Sara.

 **Imagi: HEY!**

 **Wendell: AT LEAST WE TRY.**

 **Narrator: (Asleep.)**

Then there's Lucina.

 **Lucina: (Waves.)**

What have you done? You've butchered her character beyond recognition! Why the heck is she some trigger-happy, angry, violent, feminist who curses more than a sailor?

 **Lucina: Because where I come from, that's the norm.**

What, do you think that because this is fanfiction that gives you the right to completely disregard the basics of characterization?

 **King: The IDEA of AU.**

And guess who also butchered characters spectacularly? Yep; Sara. Except I would say you butcher characters worse, and you've only used two.

 **Lucina: Who's the other one?**

 **Link: Yo.**

 **Wendell: GO AWAY.**

Also, there's this: "Only white people like her." Congratulations, you're just as racist/bigoted as Sara! Except maybe you're worse because Sara was intentionally throwing out every cliché possible in an obvious attempt at a 'My Immortal' rip-off, while you said that genuinely as a futile attempt at a joke.

 **King: Okay. I DO regret that joke, as it was poor judgement on my part.**

Speaking of jokes, you're not funny. Not at all. You may say humor isn't for everyone, which I can agree with, but your humor is for almost no one. Very few people like toilet jokes, and for good reason; they're crass and idiotic.

 **Imagi: Much like the internet, but continue.**

Your humor may not be toilet jokes, but it sure has the sophistication and comedic appeal of them. Seriously, you're clearly one of those people who seems to think that cursing or throwing an innuendo in every sentence automatically makes something funny. In reality it just makes you seem like an angry, arrogant fourteen year old who's too immature to come up with something else more intelligent or witty.

 **King: Well, I AM fourteen. And besides, at least now I can say I'm trying.**

In short: if I didn't know better, and if you didn't bother to use spell check, I would actually think you were a troll on Sara's level instead of just some angry, immature author who can't write so he just tries to get popular by riding someone's (in)famous coattails.

 **King: No, a troll would make NO sense. I do in some regards. Also, there was this thing called Smash Comedy Month. AND SOMETHING ELSE. I EXPECTED this to be deleted before I could complete the first one! And yet, here we are at the sequel, where I'm having a BEAUTIFUL time ripping a thing to shreds.**

Cursing at detractors, completely ignoring reviewers, refusing to admit your wrong, and a whole other slew of fanfiction crimes common to trolls that I could waste an entire hour writing out, doesn't help your cause or endear you to anyone either.

 **King: Hm. I regret, I regret, I have now, and please, tell me more.**

Please, for both your sake and the people who suffer through this, I suggest you stop writing until you change your attitude, learn self-restraint, and get rid of your annoying OCs, and learn how to write in general.

 **Imagi: ANNOYING?! Lady... Guy... PERSON, I EXCEL AT THAT!**

 **Lucina: Seriously...**

* * *

11\. hero in a cup

Can't read past chapter one. My eyes have been blinded by this abomination that I have seen being updated every two seconds. You are beyond redemption.

Delete this while you still can, for only you are responsible for what happens to this poor excuse of a story that is nothing more than a fanfic equivalent of Fox News.

 **King: BUT I DIDN'T MAKE THIS. Also, Fox News? Nice metaphor!**

* * *

12\. A la Review

You know what? I think I owe you an apology. I don't like being that rude or mean, but when you blow off everyone who tells you nicely or diplomatically, I feel that it needs to be said bluntly. So I'm sorry for being too harsh, but I'm not sorry for saying what had to be said.

 **King: Apology accepted!**

* * *

13\. Platinum

So, Basically, that character is a strange OC version of Lucina?

Oh lord...

 **Lucina: (Grins.)**

* * *

14\. A La Review

Not really. AU doesn't give you the right to twist a character's personality beyond recognition for the sake of it.

 **Lucina: (Lighting a cigarette.) You say something?**

* * *

 **NOW TO KILL SARA AGAIN!**

 **Imagi: YAY!**

 **Wendell: But no one joined...**

 **Imagi: Hm... I KNOW!**

* * *

Sara: (Walking from the game store.) Stoopid fat librul Becy! SHes SOOOU pur!

Imagi: HEY!

Sara: Wut- U!

(THe group is in a tank, with the barrel pointed at Sara.)

Lucina: Yes, us.

Imagi: BYE!

(BOOM!)

Sara: (Bits and pieces.)

King: Now...

* * *

 _*Knock Knock.*_

Becky: (Opens door.) Yes-

(No one's there.)

Becky: Huh, wonder why...

(At her feet is a box with a note on it.)

Note: Dear Becky, enclosed is a gift for your bravery with putting up with Sara. Also, we WILL rescue Lauren. Bye, and have a nice life. You deserve it.

Sincerely, King.

Becky: Huh. (Opens the box.)

(Inside is all of Sara's games, money, and other stuff.)

* * *

?: I must admit, they are NICE people.

Lauren: Mmh.

?: I know right?! SINCE WHEN?!

* * *

 **King: Now, I hope that with all the problems gone, let's get back to the Smackdown.**

 **Lucina: HOW LONG.**

 **King: Too long.**

 **Imagi: YOU SON OF A-**

 **Narrator: (Wakes up.) Eh? (Sees tank.) EH?!**


	19. Surprisingly realistic dream

Space Mercutio

Where do I start?

 **King: I don't care where, but please do.**

Well, here's a good spot. This "is an MST and is in chat/script format, which means it goes against the rules of submission." That about sums it up.

 **King: But as I've constantly said, that was one of my main reasons why I did this.**

Furthermore, you continue to first blatantly disregard and ignore the facts. Once done with that, you set yourself up as an arrogant...wow, what do I say to this? There's no good word for it. You think that by using 'logic' you can ignore the Terms of Service, the Rules of Submission, and the dozen users telling you in no uncertain terms that this is not a story you can write.

 **King: THEN LET FANFICTION ITSELF STRIKE ME DOWN.**

You have major behavior and attitude issues that, frankly, remind me of a kindergartener. Until you're able to fix this, try to stay on the right side of the Terms of Service and keep your clever ideas to a minimum.

 **King: Okay, no. You NEVER, EVER, tell someone to not be creative, REGARDLESS of what they've done. I have ideas, and no jerk is going to tell me not to use them.**

And one other thing; if you didn't see this coming, you really should have: I think you need to go read through the Bible again, and get some context before arrogantly trying to riff on some verse you took way too far out of context.

 **King: Okay, I'll give you that.**

Finally, reported for the umpteenth time.

 **King: NOT CARING, BUT NOTICED FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME. BEGIN THE CHAPTER!**

* * *

So I gotted farthor in Xenablad and nao im on the Bonass Leg wich i thenk is the aria frum Smash Broas.

 **King: It's called Gaur Plain for those not in the know. But let's see what else Sara can mess up!**

Its cal that becuz in anechant tims b4 the reevaluation war betwine Amerka and Briten there ussed 2 be a ginormes monstar cald the Boners

 **Narrator: I AM AN ADULT...**

 **Guinevere: You're thinking about it.**

 **Narrator: SUANC DSJC DISVNDSIFNSDND-**

and aslo a ginormes robat monstar cald the Megatron.

 **Imagi: BUT HE WAS BETRAYED BY STARSCREAM. NUUUUUUUUUUU-**

 **Lucina: BUT THEN OPTIMUS PRIME CAME IN AND STOPPED THEM BOTH. HUZZAH!**

And thars a big monstar thats liek LEVOL 81 ther. Thats so muck strongar than the catarpilar! How dose the gaem accept me 2 beet it rite nao? Id hav 2 let Becky levol up my karacters 4 like a mont 2 get me that stron and I didnt liek her been in my hose 4 a few owars last tim.

 **Wendell: Then... Walk. Past it. It's not that fast. Seriously.**

 **King: Also, backtracking.**

I thenk tha monstar wuz mad suhc a hi levol by a progrem mistak and i gess foreners jus dont test there gams b4 they realize tham becuz foreners r stooped

 **Lucina: Because America CLEARLY beat robotics and the like...**

and lazey compar 2 Amerkands that wy Amurka is greetest contry on erth wile al otter contries r ful of libruls.

 **Imagi: But I LIKED the Russians! They're awesome...**

Warnin: The firts part off this chaptar is base of a nitemar I hav alot in reel lief. Its vary scurry so be kareful wen reedin it.

 **Wendell: THE HORROR AND INHUMANITY OF IT ALL!**

 **Lucina: (Gleefully leans in.)**

CHAP 16: KNIGHT IN DITENSHUN

 **King: (Bursts in on a pony while wearing cardboard armor.) NEVAH.**

 **Imagi: WHERE DID YOU-**

* * *

It wuz tha naxt nite and all off the Christen Smashars wer gon expect for me and Sholk. Sholk sed hed wach 2 mak shur Lucina didant rap me so I cold slep so I fald aslep. I startad havin a dreem that Lucina wuz strate agen. We wer runen threw a feald of fowlers holden hans and laffin. It wuz so muhc fun.

"Ur my beast frend!" Dreem Lucina sed.

"And ur my bust fern!" Dream Me sed.

 **Lucina: And I may need a bucket...**

 **Guinevere: (Throws bucket.)**

 **Lucina: (Catches.) Thank you.**

Sudanly ther were sum drak clods on the verizon and a thumperstorm wuz cumin! And sudanly Dreem Lucina wuz looken at me deductively.

 **Lucina: I'M A COP. KINDA WHAT I DO.**

"Maybe we shold go insid b4 the rane cums..." she sed "... lover."

 **Imagi: Suddenly, Pornh- UBOFHRIVSOIFOSEINGOESDNOS-**

 **Guinevere: Child no.**

 **King: DO YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE?!**

 **Guinevere: I have a boyfriend!**

 **King: I find that hard to believe...**

 **Guinevere: (Presses button.)**

 **King: FSFNSJNVDSVODSNVODSV-**

"No..." Dreem Me sed "... I cant resast u. Lets jus doit rite hear and nao."

 **Wendell: Huh. Kinda submissive no?**

So Dreem Me garbed Dreem Lucina and they startad doen a bunch of discussing lesban stuf. Ono!

 **Lucina: THE NON-DESCRIPTIVE HORROR OF IT ALL.**

Not onely wuz Dreem Lucina a lesban butt Dreem Me wuz on 2! This is jus liek alota nitemars I hav in reel lief expect there usely someon eels (I wont say hoo) insted off Lucina.

 **All: Lauren.**

Dreem Me and Dreem Lucina kist and r tuns dansed in each otters moths.

 **King: Now i'm thinking of tongues doing the tango. Hope that helps you NOT picture this...**

We taked of ech otters cloths until we wer don 2 r underwer becuz evan if we get completly nakad in my reel dreems I dont want 2 hav 2 raze the raten off this storey. We gentli carassed each otters brass

 **Narrator: (Holding a random trumpet.) STAY AWAY FROM MAH PRECIOUS.**

and than evan moar lesban stuf hapened that wold bomp up the raten off this storey 4 shur (it involved my tune and Lucinas virginia).

 **Lucina: Ah, I remember the day I became the owner of Virginia. Those was the good times...**

 **Imagi: You're taking this very well.**

 **Lucina: The idea that this is causing her physical pain balances it all out.**

 **Imagi: ...**

 **Lucina: :D**

Wen that wuz dun Dreem Me and Dreem Lucina lyed naxt 2 ech otter on the grond cuddlin togetter 4 warm wile the coald rane fald and lighting kept tryen 2 stroke them butt mist.

"I luv u Sara" Dreem Lucina sed.

"I luv u 2 Lucina" Dreem Me sed "will u marey me?"

"Off coarse I wil" sed Dreem Lucina.

 **Lucina: And I'll be there, possibly as the one who GIVES the rings.**

Wen it wuz al dun the clods began 2 part an a raneboe apared (a cymbal of homasexalty).

 **Narrator: Your point being? What, every time a homosexual has sex, a rainbow is born?**

 **Wendell: ... That sounds kinda nice actually.**

Dreem Lucina and Dreem Me lyed on the grond stil holden hans and loked up as the son came agen. Sudanly I herd whisparen.

"Sara... Sara..." I herd. It sonded liek Lucina butt it wuzant Dreem Lucina sayen it. I waked up and thankfely the nitemar wuz ovar. Hoevar the reel Lucina was whisparen in my eer and I new she was abot 2 try to mak it a realty.

 **King: DO IT, MAKE THE NIGHTMARE END.**

Butt wat hapan 2 Sholk?! I loked arond and sawed that Sholk wuz aslpe and snoren!

"Ono! Waek up Sholk!" I sed.

"It wont werk" sed Lucina "I gived him sum tee with slepin pils init and he drinked it becuz hes Britash."

 **Narrator: OH COME ON!**

"Ono!" I sed.

"Nao theres noone who will protract u!" Lucina sed.

"Ples dont do this Lucina!" I sed "I want u 2 be strate so wecan be frends agen!"

"Wecan be frends wen ur a lesban 2" Lucina sed "Infakt we cna be evan moar than jus frends!"

 **Imagi: OR JUST BE STRAIGHT AND LESBIAN AND STILL BE FRIENDS.**

"Butt thats ron!" I sed "it gose agents God himsalf."

"Butt God is captar bye Satin rite nao and if u turd in2 a lesban and dont sav him than it wont matar wut God sez" Lucina sed.

 **King: And once again, the gay one makes the most sense.**

 **Imagi: Imagine that.**

 **Wendell: DID YOU JUST-**

"Butt ima Christen not a lesban!" I sed.

"Ican chang that!" sed Lucina and b4 I cold stand up Lucina wuz ontop of me kissen me liek in my dreem. I tred 2 thro her of butt it didant werk. Her bloo hare smell reel nise as she mad ot with me, butt I had 2 get awey b4 she rap me and I becam a lesban.

 **Lucina: Odd detail, but still...**

Lucina taked her hans of me so she cold taek her on cloths of and I had my oportunety. I noked her off of me and runned awey. I new I coldant go in2 anotter rome off the Manshan becuz Mastar Han mite fine me and get mad becuz I wuz ot of the ditenshun rom. So I opaned the widow and jumped of. It hurt wen I hit the grond becuz it wuz liek tree or for storeys up butt I wuz ok.

 **Imagi: THREE OF FOUR- I CAN'T JUMP THAT FAR WITHOUT GETTING HURT, AND I'M ME!**

Than I runned tords the neerbye reely drak forast were I desided I cold hid and wate untel mornen. Butthan I herd the sonds of Lucina followen me! I runned as fasst as I cold in2 the wods so I cold hid and maybe if Lucina follow me on of the dangeros anemals wold protract me frum her butt hopfuly not kil her becuz we neded 2 maek her strate agen.

 **King: But what if they eat you? Nah, that'd be the happy ending.**

* * *

 **King: Well, that happened. So, Space Mercutio. Are you happy that you told someone to NOT be creative? Well, are you? TELL ME!**

 **Imagi: And thanks you for 1,000 views. You guys are amazing as always, and we'll see you soon!**


	20. Brand new commentators!

**I got something to say. I. Will never. EVER. Stop. Not because of the rules, not because I'm being told not to, but because I started this thing, and I'll be DAMNED if I don't finish it! Now, if any of you have a problem with that, go ahead and put in a review. Until then, I have a commentary to do.**

 **Imagi, Lucina, Narrator, and Wendell: (Walking out with suitcases.)**

 **WHERE ARE YOU-**

 **Imagi: We're taking a vacation!**

 **But... BUT WHY?!**

 **Lucina: We don't feel appreciated. As such, we called in replacements!**

 **Samus: Why am I here?**

 **Link: Why are any of us here?**

 **Pit: Link, we said no deep thinking.**

 **Link: Aw...**

 **O-okay then...**

* * *

So it tuned ot I didant evan hav 2 fite the reely stron monstar in Xenablad (than wy izit evan their?)

 **Samus: The challenge of the kill.**

and nao I hav anotter gurl in my grope agen. Her naem is Schala and she hasa gun so she muts beleve in the secant almondmint.

 **Link: Or... Or maybe it's NOT America. I know, shocking, but still.**

Hoevar she loks kidna liek Laurens sistar Leslie. Thats weerd.

 **King: As are you. However, we're the good kind of weird.**

 **Pit: I know right? (Licks Floor Ice Cream.)**

I no Borak Obabas watchen me becuz he taked don my frist storey frum fanfecshandotnat

 **Samus: (Leans back.) Da f*** dat?**

 **King: I don't wanna know. Maybe a brain disease?**

so maybe he sawed Laurens sitar and told the pepole in Japen maken the gaem to hav a karectar that loks lik her. I wondar wy Oboma wold do that its not reely an evul thin 2 do jus weerd.

 **Link: But, he's... Who's Obama?**

 **King: President of the United States of America at the moment.**

 **Link: THEN HOW COULD HE HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH JAPAN?!**

Alos im reely exited rite nao becuz naxt weakand is homcomen at my skool

 **King: Anyone... Anyone have experince with that?**

 **Samus: Heard it sucks.**

 **Link: BAD.**

 **King: Ah.**

(wich mens I mite not be abel 2 rite a chaptar naxt fryday or satarday jus given a wranin).

 **Pit: CELEBRATE! (Throws confetti.)**

Naxt weak my frishman clas is gona vot 4 the prittest gurl in r clas and if I win ill get to stand naxt 2 the winen gurls off the sofmar and junyor clasas and the HOMCUMEN KWEEN HERSALF.

 **Samus: Because... She's important. Right?**

I alredy no that on off fiv gurls is goen 2 be the homcumen kween becuz the senyors alredy votad amon all of the senyors lats weak and the fiv boys and fiv gurls with the moats vots wer anonced and will be votad on by the antire skool 4 homecumen kween and keen wen we voet 4 the bets gurl and boy in r own clas. Aslo if I win the frashmen gurl voet ill rid in the parad with the boy who wins the froshman boy voet and everone wil see me with a boy and no im not a lesban.

 **Link: Yes, but-**

Liek ten difrant bois aksed me 2 the dans butt I didant reely feal anethin 4 aney off tham so I sed Id thank abot it.

 **Link: That. Just, that. I mean, obviously you don't. Right?**

 **King: Yep!**

If the boy who wins the vot in my class isant singol Ill prolly go back 2 the most poplar off thos otter guys and say Ill go wiht him.

 **Samus: (Facepalms.) AND THEY SAY WOMEN ARE SHINING BEACONS OF INDEPENDENCE!**

CHAP 17: THE DART FORST

* * *

I runned in2 the wods with Lucina chasen me.

 **Pit: Oh yeah. This is happening.**

I noed I had 2 get awey butt she wuz runnen rilly fassed behid me. I wuz gettin sloed don bye ech branch wile she cold jus cute tham with her sord.

 **Link: Didn't... You have a lightsaber? Force Lightning? Angel wings? A shotgun? A SWORD?!**

Son I runned in2 a cleerin in the wods.

"Giv up Sara theres nowere u can hid!" sed Lucina.

"Nevar!" I sed "I dont wana bee a lesban!"

"2 bad!" sed Lucina.

 **Samus: Such riveting dialogue.**

Sudanly a hug bare entared the cleerin.

"Rore" sed the bare becuz it wuz a bare.

 **Link: HAHAHAHA- You don't get out do you? It's more like this. Hey Samus?**

 **Samus: Yeah?**

 **Link: How do you feel, knowing your game series used fanservice to make people speedrun the game?**

 **Samus: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!**

 **Link: See? THAT'S a roar.**

"Ha! No i hav a bare 2 halp me!" I sed.

"Lol ur stooped ho do u no the bare wont ateck u insted off me?" sed Lucina.

 **Pit: See Sara? That's called logic!**

"Becuz all the anemals r Gods crechurs and they wil protract a Christen liek the tiem the Bibal wen lyons woldant ateck that guy

 **King: Daniel.**

and the otter tim wen god send a bare 2 kil sum pepole who wer bean meen 2 Christens.

 **King: No clue, but it sounds like you made that up for convenience's sake.**

Both of thos theens reely hapan there in the Bibal" I sed.

"Ha! I dont beleev in God or the Bibal becuz im a librul athist lesban!" sed Lucina "besids God is captar bye Satin rite nao how do u no the anemals dont werk 4 Stan nao?"

Lucina had a pint all I cold do wuz hop and prey that the bare wold ateck Lucina insted off me.

 **Pit: Who are you praying to? I mean, 'God' is captured, so...**

"Rore" the bare sed. It runned at Lucina. I wuz saev!

 **Link: Aw nuuu...**

And than a otter bare came.

 **Link: AW YIS!**

 **King: Also, Otter Bear.**

 **Pit: Isn't that... A Samurott?**

 **King: Hm...**

And sum lyons and sum tiggers and sum wlofs and sum otter reely stron anemals.

 **Samus: WHAT IS THIS, THE ARK?!**

And sum eegles flyd ot of the ski becuz not onely r they Gods kreachers there alos the cymbals of Amrecia so they dont liek the libruls destroyen the constatushan.

 **King: Which, as of right now, states that all gays are legal to marry. As such, EAGLES. ATTACK THE FREEDOM TAKER!**

Lucina wuz gettin malled by the anemals butt than I remamberd all the gud tims we had b4 she wuz a lesban and I feel gilty and noed I had 2 let her liv

 **Pit: Um, I don't think you live if you're being mauled...**

so she cold be mad strate agen becuz if she dyed rite nao shed go2 Hell for shur.

"Wate stap!" I sed "dont kil her!"

All tha anemals stop ateckin Lucina and startad wankin awey. Lucina wuz stil aliv butt she wuz 2 injar r rap me so she runned awey.

 **Link: What are blue-haired swords people made of? I mean seriously.**

No taht Lucina wasant a thret 4 nwo I new I had 2 get bak 2 Manshan b4 mornen wen Mastar Hand cheked 2 maek shur I didant leev. I new Lucina cold jus entar the Manshan thro the frant dore becuz Mastar Hand did say she cold leev ditenshun at aney tim. Butt I had 2 fine a ladar. I desided 2 go2 were Rine and Fiona and Gud Clon Sara wer stayen and ask tham were the putt the leder.

"Hear it bluddy is"

 **Samus: IS SHE STILL DOING THAT. I MEAN, I NOW KNOW BRITISH PEOPLE. THEY DON'T DO THAT.**

 **Link: STOP YELLING.**

 **SAMUS: NO.**

sed Rien and he giv me ladar and I wented bak 2 Manshan and climed in thro the widow bak 2 ditenshun rome. Lucina wuz stil aliv and had sum bad-aids ovar all the injures frum the anemals in the forats who savde me.

 **Pit: BAND-AIDS. THE HEALING MIRACLES THAT LOOK LIKE FLAT LITTLE HAMSTERS!**

 **King: WHEN?!**

 **Pit: It's the kind I get...**

 **Samus: He's not proud of it.**

 **Pit: No.**

"Ons thes injares r heel im gona maek u a lesban Sara" she sed "jus u wate. A buncha anamols wont saev u naxt tim."

 **Link: Except for penguins. They cool. I mean, they'll probably help Lucina, but... PENGUINS!**

I noed I coldant get luky 4evar I noed al I cold do wuz prey that Mark and his dad wold fine a cur 2 maek Lucina strate agen so she woldant want 2 rap me anemore. The naxt day Mastar Han aksed Lucina were she gotted al the injars frum.

"I gotted tham becuz I wented in2 the forast last nite 2 pik sum flowars"

 **Link: Lucina? Pick flowers? Hm...**

 **All: Nahhh...**

she sed "and than sum anemals atecked."

"No! The anemals atecked becuz she wuz a evul lesban and wuz tryen 2 rap me!" I sed.

"Thats ridikolos. Wy wold she be try 2 rap u in the forast wen ur supose 2 be in ditenshun. Unles u braked the rools and escap in wich case ill giv u evan moor ditenshun" sed Nastier Hanes.

 **Samus: HA! EAT IT YOU LITTLE SNITCH!**

"No Sara wuz in ditenshun the hole tim" Lucina sed "I wantad 2 supris her by given her the fowlers as a sine of frendship butt I ges she stil hats me."

 **Link: And we hate her!**

 **Pit: Well... I can't really hate people...**

 **Samus: BUT YOU WILL TRY BBQ WINGS!**

"Ok its 2 bad Saras so intolerate" Mastur Hans sed "butt u reely ned 2 get 2 a hospetal 4 ur injars 2 be heel and than us Odamacar 2 maek hard werkin job craters liek Saras dad pay 4 it becuz soshalizum is grate."

 **King: Who says that? I mean, WHO says that?**

* * *

 **Well, I guess this a thing now.**

 **Samus: (Eating KFC in a beanbag chair.) Oh ho yes.**

 **Link: Do we stay here?**

 **Hm...**

 **Pit: Um guys...**

 **Link: Yeah?**

 **Pit: The kitchen is unusable.**

 **(Octopus tentacle throws fridge.)**

 **WHAT THE F*** DID YOU DO?!**


	21. Sara sucks at security

**Samus: Hey guys?**

 **Link: Yeah?**

 **Samus: Where's my suit?**

 **Pit: King borrowed it.**

 **Samus: WHAT?!**

 **King: IT WAS FOR FIVE MINUTES.**

 **Samus: THEN WHERE IS IT?!**

 **King: In the... bottom of the river...**

 **Samus: ... (Pulls out knife.)**

 **Link: NO.**

 **Samus: YES.**

 **Pit: COMMENTARY!**

 **(Random trumpet.)**

* * *

2day wuz the day wen we gotted 2 viot on the Homcumen Keen and Homcumen Kween and aslo on the beast frishman gurl and boi. I votad 4 miself 4 bast froshmen gurl obveusly

 **King: I swear to God, if you win...**

and I piked the prittest off the fiv opshens 4 Homcomeon Kween. Her nam is Emily and she haz lon wavey rad hare and a smil that shos of her perfact teth. Butt shes a senyor and im jus a fishman

 **King: MY GOD. SHE'S IN CAHOOTS WITH HORDY.**

 **Pit: And that people of the internet, is a reference. Wonder if anyone will get it...**

so she dosant notas me.

 **Link: Why does anyone notice you? I mean, I would very much NOT want to experience burning hell through my eyeballs, thank you please!**

2 yares iago wen my bruther Jsoh wuz a senyor amd Emily wuz a softmare he aksed her ot and she sed no and than my bruther sed she was a hore and a slot and a batch.

 **Samus: Okay. A, your brother is a massive tool. B, I thought Christians don't swear?**

Butt shes way 2 pritty 2 be aney off thos thins. 4 Homcumen Keen and tha friedman boi I votad 4 hoo sum otter gurls in my homrum sed they wer votan 4 becuz thye wer strate gurls and as anotter strate gurl I liek the sam kins off guys as tham.

CHAP 18: DITENSHUN IZ OVARY

 **Pit: Hm... Well then.**

* * *

It wuz the day ditenshun was supos 2 and an I wuz vary scare becuz Math and his dad stil didant fine the cur.

 **Pit: Oh yeah, that's happening.**

That ment Lucina dan me wold hav 2 go bak 2 r rom and she wold rap me 4 shur and noone cold protract me not evan Sholk.

 **Samus: And I will watch. IT SHALL BE GLORIOUS. MWAHAHAHAHA-**

 **King: (Hits Samus with a pillow.) No.**

I preyed al the tim that a cur wold be fond butt it wuz no us becuz God and Jesas wer captar and their wuz noone 2 ansar my prares. Lucina wuz heel at the hospatal duren this tim and the hardwerkin joeb craters off Nientedo Word had 2 paye forit becuz off Obaba Caer.

 **Link: Actually, we don't have Obamacare! We have just about every healing item in a Nintendo Game EVER.**

 **Pit: MUCH better!**

Matter Han entar the ditenshun rom were Me an Lucina an Sholk wer.

"Ok ditenshun is ovar nao u hav 2 gobak 2 ur romes" he sed.

"Ar u shur I cant go2 a difrant rom?" I sed.

"No u cant u ned 2 lern that homasexalty is ok bye sharon The Room

 **Samus: F*** THAT MOVIE.**

with Lucina" Mastar Hind sed.

"BUTT SHELL RAP ME!" I sed.

"No ur jus parnoyd and intolrent" sed Mister Gland "nao leev the ditenshan rome. And u gobak 2 ur rom 2 Sholk. Lucina u can do watevar u want becuz uv ben haven a hard tim with ur famely and frends bean mean 2 u."

 **King: ... Why is he the bad guy?**

 **Link: Because good be wack yo.**

 **Pit: For rizzle Master Lizzle.**

"Its ok" sed Lucina "Ill go bak 2 the rom with Sara and I promas that b4 2 lon she wont be a homophone anemore."

"I hop ur rite" sed Mastur Hump. So I had no choos but 2 gobak 2 my rom. Sholk cam with me butt he wold hav 2 leev at nite and than Lucina wold rap me 4 shur.

"Im gona taek a nap rite nao" Lucina sed "I ned 2 mak shur im awak at nite becuz wer gona hav lotsa lesban sax ons I mak u a lesban."

 **Samus: Okay, there is only so many times you can state your going to rape someone. I would MUCH more discreet. Maybe spell it out in tiny pieces of bacon with your eggs or something.**

 **Pit: You've... totally done that, haven't you.**

 **Samus: Yeah, except it was for a death threat.**

"Wat shold I do?" I aksed Sholk.

"I dont bluddy no" sed Sholk "ur the onely hop off saven God and Jesas and if u becum a lesban ull be on Satins sid and the wrold wold be DOME!"

 **Link: Geez, what are you, a cracked out homeless man?**

 **King: High-quality humor here folks! Or at least, to us...**

"Ino its turible" I sed.

"Cold u 2 stap talken so lowd I ned 2 slep" Lucina sed.

 **Samus: She CLEARLY does not care.**

"No! If u dont slep nao u mite be 2 tried 2 rap me 2nite" I sed. It wuz my onely hop.

"Ill tel Mastor Hamp on u if u dont be quite," sed Lucina. And than my hop wuz gon.

So me and Sholk had 2 leev the rom. We finded Mark and aksed him if he fond a cur yet.

"No sorey" he sed "my dad an I hav ben tryen this hole tim butt we cant get the rite ingredints."

 **Link: Seriously, WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT TIFFANY PERSON?!**

"Maybee Ican halp" sed Goy Roban "Lucinas us 2 bee my gurlfrend b4 she becam a lesban so it wold be grate if she wuz strait agen."

"Ill halp 2" sed Grill Roben.

 **King:... Why? I mean... Sara CLEARLY took your boyfriend like (Snaps.) that. Wouldn't you be better off is she was a lesbian?**

"And wen Me an Pete had 2 leev Hevan we brot a buncha stuf that mite be the rite ingredonts" sed Palletowna "maybee wecan halp."

 **Pit: Who are you? And who's Pete- IS THAT ME?! NEXT SHE'LL SAY I'M AN ANGEL OF THAT GOD GUY OR SOMETHING.**

 **King: Um... About that...**

"Grate!" I sed "butt I stil dont thank u can getit don bye tonite."

"Unfortenanty no" sed Mart "and it wil be vary hared 2 surviv 2nite with ur stratenes intac."

 **Samus: Straightness intact... Hah...**

 **Link: BY NARYU, SHE LAUGHED. THE WORLD IS NOW ENDING FOR SURE!**

"I HAV EDEA!" sed Gurl Roban, looken vary hapey.

 **King: And sounding like a Lolcat.**

"Wut? I sed

"Wy dont u slep withme insted off with Lucina?" she sed.

"Butt Mastar Han sed I coldant do that" I sed.

"Than jus wate somewere saf frum lesbans in the manshan untel Mastur Hanes goes to slep himsalf" sed Gull Roban.

 **Link: Actually... DOES he sleep?**

 **Pit: YOU'RE one of the Original Twelve! And yet, you DON'T know?!**

"Yay!" I sed. I wold be saf.

That nite I wated in the kichan 4 Moster Han 2 go2 his rome 2 slep adn than I went 2 Gurl Robens rom and falled aslep.

"Sara... Sara..." I herd in my slep. I waked up and sawed Gurl Roban standen ovar me... and Lucina wuz wither!

 **Samus: Well then. Someone sucks at security. I, on the other hand, am a MASTER.**

 **Pit: You have to be...**

"Lucina jus cam in hear and mad me a lesban" sed Grul Roben.

 **Link: And you didn't wake up from that... Why?**

"And nao wer both gona maek u a lesban 2!" sed Lucina.

Ono! This wuz evan wors than been stuk in a rom with 1 lesban! I wuz stuk with 2. Hao wold I sav miself?!

 **King: We would prefer you didn't.**

* * *

 **King: Hey, in um, let's say, seven chapters, who wants to do a killing scene? We would prefer you use this format.**

 **Name:**

 **Description:**

 **What you will do:**

 **King: Thank you, and if it's your birthday, happy birthday! GOODBYE!**


	22. Straight Women CAN kill a bear!

**Pit: (Hanging from the ceiling fan.) I'M BORED...**

 **Link: (Gives him an apple.)**

 **Pit: (Bites into apple.)**

 **Link: (Hits apple with an arrow while it's still in Pit's mouth.)**

 **Pit: (Takes another bite.) STILL. SO . BORED...**

 **Link: (Facepalms.)**

* * *

So 2moro ill no 4 shur if i wun the voet or not butt I hav 2 wate 4 the asembli on frydae to no who the Homecumen Kween wil be. 2day I lerned sumthin that maek me angri tho.

 **King: Tell us so we may give it our praise!**

Aparentyl Laurens gurlfrend Kaetis skool is haven homecomen the sam weakand as my skool and Lauren is goen ther insted off breen Kaety hear.

 **Samus: ... It's... It's her girlfriends school. Why wouldn't she?**

 **King: PRAISE BE LAUREN!**

I men I gess I shold be hapey that they cant teem up and rap me

 **Link: OF COURSE THIS IS NEEDED!**

butt I ned 2 meat Katiy in persan 2 fine ot if her noes is as big as it wuz in the pictar and if itis than Ican laff at her and aks if shes Jewash.

 **Pit: What's wrong with a Jewish person's nose?!**

Lauren wil aslo be skippen skool on fryday becuz it taks a lon tim 2 driv 2 Pensolvanya were Kaetee livs. I tolled the prinsipol of r skool abot this and he sad that it will be a unexcus absans butt all stoodants r alod ate of thos a yeer 4 theens liek siknas that they dont get a doktars noet 4 or 4 famely vakashuns and stuf b4 they get punash 4it so iff Lauren dose the propar paperwerk wen she gets bak and on of her parants calls the skool she wont be expel 4 jus haven 1. Tha ejacashun sistem in this contry is so librul byased!

 **King: No... Your parents would be required to do the same thing. I mean, I rarely need sick days, but if we have to go somewhere, my Grandmother writes me an excuse, and that's that.**

 **Link: Also, I'm suprised she goes to a public school.**

CHAP 19: GUD CLON SARA CUMS BACH!

 **Samus: The composer? Okay then...**

* * *

"Sara dont be afred" Gurl Roban sed "Iv onely ben a lesban 4 liek a minuet butt I alredy lik it moar than been strate."

 **Pit: As such, I question what to question of one's questioning of the other's questioning of the other.**

 **King: ... Wat.**

"It dosant matar! Lesbans r evul!" I sed.

"Thats not wut u wil say we lesban!" sed Lucina. She tred 2 jamp on me butt I rold outa bad and she miss. Than I ran 4 the dore butt it wuz locke!

 **Samus: TERRIBLE SUSPENSE!**

 **(Lightning flash.)**

 **Link: PIT.**

 **Pit: Sorry! (Puts Phosphora Bow away.)**

"Ono!" I sed.

"Yes nao u cant escap!" Gurl Roban sed. She rund at bee butt I dogged outa the whey and ran tords the widow.

 **Samus: HOW DID THEY NOT THINK OF THAT?! That is LITERALLY the second place I would check!**

I opaned it and leep out onto a tree and start climen the tree 2 the grond. Lucina and Gurl Roban flowed me. I thot maybe I cold get 2 the wods agen and the anemals wold halp me butt their was 2 lesbans nao and they mite be abel 2 fite the anemals.

 **Samus: Is... Is she saying a woman who's straight can't kill a bear with her bare hands? Well, I'd like her to meet me. (Cracks knuckles.)**

 **King: SAVE IT FOR LATER!**

So I trid 2 ran into town 2 see if maybe the polite wold halp evan if Mastar Han wuz the leeder of the aria so he wold probebly hiar libruls 4 be polis ofasers. It wuz my onely shat tho. Or atlest thats wut I thot.

Sudanly I saw someon ahed off me. It wuz Gud Clon Sara.

 **Pit: no, NOW she's Bad/Evil clone Sara! Get it right!**

"Gud Clon Sara! Run! Lesbans r chasen me and thell prolly rap u and maek u Evul Clon Sara agen!" I sed.

"I alredy no that" sed Gud Clon Sara "we hav a mined link becuz Im ur clon so I noed u wer in treble. I cum 2 saev u!"

 **Link: That's... kinda an awesome convenience. I mean, I wanna have a mind link with Toon! That, or Dark Link, but um... Yeah.**

"Butt wat can u do to halp?" I sed. Gud Clon Sara wuz my clon so she wasant aney moar powarfel then me. Or at leest thats wut I thot.

"U may haev lots ur God Powars" she sed "butt I stil hav the evul powars that Satin and Barak Oboma gived me. Expect Ill us tham 4 gud!"

 **King: It was at that point Satan should have been like 'LOL no" and blew her to bits.**

I gotted behin Gud Clon Sara and she fiared denim beems at Lucina and Gurl Roban.

"Ono!" sed Gurl Roban "Gud Clon Sara iz 2 powarfel!"

"We ned 2 retret!" sed Lucina. They runned awey.

"Yay u saev me!" I sed "tanks!"

"Ur welcum!" sed Gud Clon Sara. I huged me clon. Than we both went bak 2 the manshan. Wen we gotted their Mastor Han wuz waiten.

"Gud Clon Sara u cant cum in hear ur not a Smashar!" he sed "I alredy dont liek haven 2 put on Sara in my manshan so Im not gona let a secant 1 jone."

 **Link: Wait, wait, okay, okay. So, you're saying her paperwork-**

 **Pit: Got thrown out.**

 **Link: Damn.**

"Wel mayeb we can be a teem liek the Ike Climers (the faek rooster that Becky mad dosant hav them soi no its faek)" I sed.

 **(Sad Music.)**

 **King: WHY?!**

 **Samus: I miss Popo.**

"Grr..." sed Mister Hung. Butt he didant hav a choose.

 **Link: DAMMIT MAN. HAND. WHATEVER.**

And sins Me and Gud Clon Sara wer a teem that ment we had 2 shar a rome and I finelly gotted ot off bean in The Room with Lucina.

The naxt day Math wuz evan sader.

"Not onely is my sistar a lesban butt my gurlfrend is on 2!" he sed.

 **Pit: I thought that Shulk was her boyfriend?**

 **Link: This is the same lady who went from like three guys at the speed of Sonic. WHAT DO YOU THINK.**

"And my sistar is a lesban 2 nao!" sed Guy Roban.

"Wy do u thenk I maed her a lesban Mark" it wuz Lucina!

 **Samus: That... That is a valid point. Discuss.**

"Becuz she wuz in the rome wen u cum 2 get me?" I sed.

"No. I wuz goen 2 lok 4 u aftar I maed Gurl Roban a lesban. The fakt that u wer in the saem rum was jus a bonas" sed Lucina "I wantad 2 maek Gurl Roban a lesban so I cold steel my brothars gurlfrend frum him. Becuz he mad me angry bye not bean ok with me bean a lesban."

 **Pit: That WAS kinda a jerk move Marth.**

"Butt lesbans r evul!" sed Mart.

"Ino we r" sed Lucina "but im ur sitar and u sholdant try 2 chang me."

 **King: PREACH!**

"Butt im tryen 2 fax u and maek u strate liek u wer b4" sed Marp.

 **Link: BUT THEN THERE'S NO HAPPINESS. YOU SUCK AT BEING A BROTHER!**

"Butt im muck hapyer nao that im a lesban" sed Lucina "and Gurl Roban is hapiar with me than she wuz with u. She tolled me hersalf."

"God wil send u both 2 Hell wen u dye!" I sed.

 **Pit: I don't know... I went to the Underworld. If you get past the monsters, and the overly flamboyant ruler, it's not THAT bad...**

 **Samus: THE OTHER HELL!**

 **Pit: Oh yeah, that place sucks.**

"Not if u fale 2 saev him from Satin" sed Lucina "and Ill maek shur that Saten wins bye maken u a lesban 2. U mite be abel 2 hid behid ur clon nao, butt Ill fine a way 2 rap u aneyway!"

Than Lucina walk awey laffing evully.

* * *

 **Well then, we have TWO people so far. Remeber!**

 **Name:**

 **Description:**

 **What you'll do:**

 **And if it is your birthday, happy birthday! GOODBYE, AND BE BEAUTIFUL DUCKIES!**


	23. Lions, Mages, and Ninjas, oh my!

**King: GUYS, I'M HOME!**

 **Link: Hey man, what's- O_O**

 **King: (Has a lion nomming on his head.) I WENT TO DA ZOO!**

 **Pit: (Mouth open.)**

 **King: THEY'RE WERE PENGUINS!**

 **Samus: (Asleep.)**

 **King: :D**

IM SO EXCITE! I WAN!

 **King: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************-**

 **Link: He's not gonna stop is he?**

 **King: -***************************************************************************-**

 **Pit: Nope.**

 **Samus: Who's the a**hole who-**

 **King: -*****************************************************************-**

 **Samus: I'm going back to sleep. (Rolls over.)**

 **Link: (Throws King in the pool.)**

 **King: BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB!**

 **Link: We need new people!**

* * *

Female Robin: (Reading a book.)

Male Robin: (Lying on the couch asleep with a book on his face.)

(Mission Impossible Theme plays.)

Female Robin: Where-

Link: (Bursts through the wall and grabs Robin and runs for it.)

Female Robin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

* * *

Sheik: Who-

Pit: You, with me, now.

Sheik: Not gonna try to capture me?

Pit: Hm... No. I like my arms where they are.

Sheik: I guess I'll come.

Pit: Whoo!

* * *

 **Link: START THE SHOW!**

IM THE PRITTEST GURL IN THE FRENCHMAN CLAS!

 **Pit: NO!**

The boi who win alredy has gurlfrend so I coldant ask him 2 be my dat. Butt I went bak 2 on off the gusy who ask me 2 homecumen erlier and sed I wold go with him so its ok and nao that I hav a dat with a boi noone can call me a lesban.

 **Robin: If you needed a boyfriend for that, I doubt it.**

Aslo Im reely hapey 4 my frend Chloe who wan 4 the junyor gurls. I meen, I alredy noed she wuz reely pritty butt its nise that pepole in her clas thank so 2.

Aslo iv ben playen moar Xenablad thes lats few days butt Iv ben haven treble with that evil robat naem Zard who captar Shalas bruther. Hes reely hard 2 beet in the either mien. Can I avod fitten him liek I did the levol 81 monstar in the Byones Lag?

 **Sheik** **: No, because he's a boss.**

CHAP 20: THE RETARD OF MATEL FASE

 **Robin: HE'S SPECIAL!**

 **Pit: THEY ALL ARE!**

It wuz a few dais latur and everon had 2 putt up with Lucina and Gurl Roben bean a lesban cuple.

 **Robin: ... (Hand starts to spark.)**

 **Link: DO IT AND NO PANCAKES!**

 **Robin: (Hand stops.) Aw...**

They wold laff with each otter alot and kiss and hold hans

 **Sheik: Sounds nice. I wish half of all relationships were like that! Lot less children in orphanages, and lot less divorces.**

and it wuz discussin 2 se 2 gurls do that, evan if they wer boht reely pritty.

 **Robin: YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM!**

Sharen the rome with Gud Clon Sara was much beater than sharen on with Lucina tho. Aftar I leeved, Lucina deside 2 shar rom with her noo gurlfrend insted and everay nite we cold here the sonds of lesban sax cumen frum there rome.

 **Pit: Well, at least they're burning calories! (Gives a thumbs up.)**

 **Sheik: Eh...**

 **Pit: Too much?**

 **Link: Meh.**

I constently imagen wut they muts be doen 2 each otter in their.

 **Robin: The miracle of life!**

 **Sheik: Which you haven't experienced.**

 **Robin: THIS IS T-RATED!**

 **Sheik: DO IT LOOK LIKE I CARE?!**

We had 2 fine a cur and maek them numel agen.

 **Pit: YES, TO BRINGING BACK MR. HUMPY!**

 **Samus: It was a girl... Zzz...**

That day Me and Gud Clon Sara wer teemin up (we conted as 1 caretaker nao) with Sholk 2 fite Lucina and Gurl Roban.

 **Robin: HOW WAS THAT FAIR?!**

 **Sheik: I dunno. It just happened, and no one questioned it when the Ice Climbers came around. I mean, it helped that they were cute, but...**

 **Pit:** _ **Did... Did Sheik just call something cute? My goddess, I have witnesses a miracle!**_

As we wated 4 the naxt mach 2 start, I stard at Lucina and Gurl Roban kissen each otter. It wuz so discussing and evul!

 **Link: And so are anyone who can't understand simple love, but we digress.**

They staped kissen wen the mach wuz abot 2 start, butt than Gurl Roban runed on off her fingars don the soft skin on the sid of Lucinas fase.

"Gud luk my love" Gurl Roban sed "Ill maek shur thes consurvatev Christens dont hurt u. I luv u!"

 **Robin: (Opens mouth.) ... Actually, I give up. I have seen worse. I have SO seen worse...**

"I luv u moar!" Lucina sed. She gived Gurl Roban on last kis on the lip b4 we wer telaportad on2 the batolfeld stag.

Me and Gud Clon Sara wer on the botom patr wile Lucina, Gurl Roban, and Sholk wer on the otter platfoarms. I noed Mastar Hond mustve plan this 2 make it easer 4 Lucina and Gurl Roban 2 jump don and rap me and Gud Clon Sara.

 **Sheik: No, that's how it always it is. He has no say in it.**

That wuz reely meen off him.

 **Pit: Which is why we love him so much!**

And jus liek that they jamped don and tred 2 rapus lik I thot. Butt we dogged outa the whey and Sholk hitted tham with the Moscowdo.

 **Robin: HOLD IT! (Puts hands in a time out motion.) HE CANNOT DO THAT. THE MONADO CANNOT HURT A HUMAN. HELL, I HEARD IT'S WHY LUCINA, AND BY EXTENT ME, ARE LESBIANS. BACK TO THE COMMENTARY!**

They fleyed of butt mad it back to stooge. Than Gud Clon Sara startad shatten her deman beems at tham witch did moar damag butt they still came bak. I had 2 folow Gud Clon Sara arond becuz we wer a teem so I runed aftar her as she dashed in 2 fite Lucina and Gril Roben up close, even if I had no powars and wuz afred they wold rap me.

 **Shiek: Oh for the love of- DO SOMETHING.**

Then wile we were distract tham Sholk sneeked up behide and use his bcakslush to nok them of the stag and maek them los a stok eech.

 **Pit: I hate that thing! IT HURTS, AND YOU CAN'T RUN FROM HIM BECAUSE IT WILL HURT MORE!**

"I thank wecan win this!" I sed. Butt I wuz spekan 2 son becuz sudanly Matel Fase fly up.

"Im bak u wankars!" he sed.

 **Link: HOW. WE ARE IN F***ING BATTLEFIELD, NOT GAUR PLAINS. DAMMIT MASTER HAND WHAT THE SH*T?!**

"Ono!" sed Sholk "and ur the reel wankar Meatball Fate!"

"Ya!" I sed.

"Wel Im hear to captar Sara and taek her 2 be rap by Lauren and Katey agen and theres noting u bluddy wankars can do abot it" he sed. Than he sawed that me and Gud Clon Sara wer boht their.

"Witch on off u 2 is the reel Sara?" he sed.

"Im the Reel Sara!" Gud Clon Sara sed.

"No!" I sed "if ur rap bye Lauren adn Kati ull becum a lesban and bee Evul Clon Sara agen!"

 **Sheik: YOU DUMBASS!**

 **Robin: I WOULD HAVE AT LEAST SAID SOMETHING ABOUT AN OVERUSED CLICHE!**

"Its ok" sed Gud Clon Sara "I beleve that ull fine the cur agen and maek me strate. And ull mak Lucina and Gurl Roban strate agen 2."

 **Pit: Or... Shut him with your laser beams? Right?**

"Tanks 4 beleve in me" I sed. Than Gud Clon Sara walk up 2 Metro Fase and letted him garb her.

 **Pit: RIGHT?!**

"I wont let u get awey with this u wankar!" sed Sholk. He runed at Meetal Fax and try 2 kil him with the Monsanto butt it didant werk.

 **Link: N-No explanation? Okay.**

 **Pit: DAMMIT GOOD... EVIL... SOMETHING CLONE, KILL THAT METAL JERK!**

Mental Fave taked Gud Clon Sara and flyed awey.

Wen the mach wuz ovar Sholk and I noed wat we need 2 do. We neded 2 go find were Mital Fase had taek Gud Clon Sara b4 Lauren and Kaeti rap her!

 **Robin: Personally, I prefer her when she's evil.**

* * *

 **Robin: I want Ice Cream. (Walks off.)**

 **Pit: Um... Link?**

 **Link: Yeah Pit?**

 **Pit: What... What happened to the lion?**

 **Robin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Runs past them with the lion chasing her.) HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP!**

 **Sheik: (Grabs lion and suplexes it into unconsciousness.)**

 **All: O.O**

 **Sheik: What? No thank you?**


	24. EVERYTHING IS BRITISH

**Link: Is King still blubbing?**

 **King: BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB-**

 **Pit: Yep.**

* * *

Jus a remainder that I wonjt be maken noo chaptars 4 the naxt 2 dyas becuz off hoamcumen.

 **Robin: WHOO.**

Tomoro aftar skool is the parad and than the fotball gaem. Organically I didant want 2 go 2 the gaem evan tho thats were the parad ands becuz I thot onely lesbans and guys liek to go2 fotball gaems.

 **Sheik: I watch football. And I'm perfectly straight. As such, bullsh*t.**

Butt my mom sed its perfactly numel 4 strait womans 2 go2 fotball gaems 2 wach the gud-lookin boys getin swety and stuf.

 **Robin and Sheik: ...**

 **Link: (Gets up and walks out.)**

 **Pit: (Does the same.)**

 **(Screams of hell and rage can be heard.)**

 **Link: Done?**

 **Sheik: Yes.**

And she sed she wuz gona bee their aneway so I dont ned 2 get a rid hoam. On sitarday is the hoamcumen dans itsalf wich Ill have 2 spand the hole day getin reedy 4. So tahts wy u wont see chaptar 22 of this storey until sundae aftar chirch.

 **Pit: That must be some sermon...**

 **Link: GAYS IZ TERRIBLE!**

 **Robin: OH LORDY PLZ TAKE THIS CHILD OF YOU AND MAKE HER A B****!**

 **Sheik: The f*ck are w doing?**

 **All: ... Meh.**

CHAP 21: SAV GUD CLON SARA

 **Pit: But why.**

 **Robin: So deep Pit.**

 **Pit: (Somehow one with the universe.) Humm...**

 **Robin: ... Wat.**

* * *

Me and Sholk noed wed hav 2 hurray if we wantad 2 sav Gud Clon Sara b4 Lauren and Catty

 **Link: Meow.**

 **SHeik: Nothing else?**

 **Link: Meow.**

 **Sheik: ... Kay.**

rapped her 2 mak her Evul Clon Sara agen. Than I wold hav 2 shar a rom witha lesban liek I did with Lucina. I wuz shur that Mastar Han stil woldant let me swatch romes. The problam wuz that I didant no were Matel Fase wuz taken my clon. Than sudanly Sholks eys glod bloo.

 **Robin: Oh f*ck.**

 **Link: What?**

 **Robin: This bullsh*t. I mean, he uses it EVERYTIME he pisses me off! AND THEN I CAN'T HIT. I MEAN, WHY?!**

"That mens ur sean the futur!" I sed.

"Rite" sed Sholk "Metool Fase is taek Gud Clon Sara 2 Boners Lag in my wrold!"

 **Sheik: ... Kay.**

"Ono!" I sed. I rembrandt tha reely stron mobsters their liek the levol 81 thin.

"Theirs lotsa tuff thins 2 fite their" sed Sholk "butt I hav ida!"

Sholk leeded me 2 the rome were the itoms wer kepp 2 battals. We wented insid.

 **Pit: You know, he hasn't said-**

"We ned 2 bee carful that Mister Hanf dosant fine us hear taken stuf" Sholk sed "we ned 2 fine the bluddy smosh blals."

 **Pit: Son of a Handora...**

"Ok" I sed. So we fond sum Samsh Bails and stiked them in r shurts 2 hid tham wile we sneked ot of rome and than leev manshan 4 Sholk wrold.

Wen we goted 2 Sholk wrold 2 bonas log I sawed the Levil 81 monstar.

"Im gona bluddy kil u Sara!" sed monstar.

 **Robin: OH COME- EVEN THE DAMN MONSTERS?! F*CK!**

"No u wont!" I sed. I taked on off the smatt bells ot of my shit and usde it. Than I turd in2 a angle and fiared hevanly beems at the monstar 2 kilit ons and feral.

"That wuz bluddy grate!" sed Sholk.

"Tanks" I sed.

 **Sheik: (Bursts through the wall with one.) YOU CALLED?!**

 **Pit: YOU ARE NOT A NINJA.**

 **Robin: LEAVE!**

 **Sheik: Aw... (Backs out.)**

And we wented farter on2 beones lug.

"Were is Gud Clon Sara?" I sed.

"In my visan I sawed she wuz at the plas wer my frends and me meted Zord 4 first tim" sed Sholk.

"Ok" I sed. So we wented their and hided in the pole of watar nerby. And we sawed Gud Clon Sara fitten Lauren and Katt and Middle Fase and Zork. Zors try 2 hit her with his humor

 **Link: Dad jokes never really went anywhere. (Refenrence? No? Aw...)**

butt she dogged and hited him with a denim beem.

 **Robin: FEAR THE POWER OF SKINNY JEANS!**

Than Mitel Fase usd his claus butt she dogged that 2. And Lauren and Kitty kep tryen 2 rap her butt she was fastar then them.

 **Link: Wait, where they running after her naked, or is it like those wrestling things you see in porn?**

 **Robin: DUDE.**

 **Link: WAT.**

"We hav 2 halp!" I sed.

"Ok" sed Sholk. I gotted ot anotter Smash Balk and activia my finale smhas. I fly up asan angle and joned the batal.

"Ono!" sed Lauren "Sara haz her finale smash!"

 **Link: RUN AWAY, IT'S BULLSH*T WILL CONTAMINATE US ALL!**

"Dont worey my luv she has 2 us a smashbal 2 us it becuz she dosant hav Gods powars anemore" sed Karty "that mens it wil were of"

I noed Katay wuz rite so I had 2 hurray. I fiared a beem of hevanly lite at the lesbans and the robats and noked all 4 off tham awey. Butt they gotted bak up and runed tards me agen.

"Ican halp!" sed Gud Clon Sara. She stil had the evul powars that Stan and Brock Obana gived her so she clod activ her finael smash withot a smah bal. And so shedid and turd in2 her falan angle fomr evan tho she wuzant evul anemore. Than I fiared a gud beem and she fiared a evul beem and the 2 beems combaned and hitted Mteal Fase and Zord and they both bowled up.

 **Sheik: STREEEEEEEEIKE!**

"Ono!" sed Lauren an Katay and withot the robats 2 halp tham they noed they wer lose and runed awey. Both Me and Gud Clon Sara turd bak 2 normel.

"Yay!" sed Gud Clon Sara "u saved me!"

"That wuz bluddy awsom" sed Sholk.

"Butt theres sumthin reely impotent" sed Gud Clon Sara "the evul pepole wer talkan 2 me becuz they thot I wold be rapped in2 a lesban 4 shur and bee on there sid. I no were God and Jesas r captar."

 **Link: GOD DAMMIT. NOT MONOLOUGES. COME ON, MY EVIL CLONE KNEW BETTER!**

"Were?" I sed.

"They r bean captar depp within the steventh sirkol of Hell itsalf!" Gud Clon Sara sed.

 **Robin: Ah. Dante's Inferno fans eh?**

 **Pit: I forget you read.**

 **Robin: (Places sword on Pit's head.) Watch it.**

* * *

 **Link: YOU DONE KING?!**

 **King: Blub.**

 **Link: Really?**

 **King: Blub blub blub.**

 **Pit: NO NEED TO CALL US THAT!**

 **King: Blub.**

 **Pit: THank you.**

 **Samus: I'm up.**

 **Robin: AND WE GONE.**

 **(ZOOM!)**


	25. WHY CAN'T THAT HAPPEN TO ME!

**Samus: Well, let's get back to it.**

 **Right...**

* * *

Im bak frum my brake becuz u libruls cant get rad off me.

 **Link: WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.**

 **Pit: ...**

 **Link: YET.**

 **Pit: Better.**

Homecumen wuz grate! Emily wuz homecumen kween and I gotted 2 stadn neer her at the asombly and she evan talked 2 me at the dans and she congratilated me 4 winen the frishman thin and sed she licked my drass!

 **Samus: I guess she likes the taste of satin... ?**

I aksed her if she wantad 2 hav a slo dans with me butt it woldant be a lesban thin becuz were boht strait butt she sed no and wakled awey and didant talk 2 me agen.

 **King: BECAUSE FRIENDS CLEARLY HAVE SLOW DANCES. ALSO, I wonder why... Could it POSSIBLY, maybe, by a tiny chance, SHE REALIZED YOUSE A B*TCH?**

Im shur ill fine awey 2 be frends with her. Chloe wuz throwan an aftar partey butt she warned me not to cum becuz she sed that Barak Oboma called

 **Samus: Wat.**

and sed hed sho up uninvitad and if I wuz their hed captar me and taek me 2 sum lesbans who wold rap me.

 **Samus: Clever. She realized what was needed to be done, and DUMPED YOU'RE SORRY ASS!**

Chloe is a gud frend 4 warnen me abot that.

CHAP 22: THA KEEZ 2 HALL

* * *

"God an Jesas r bean keep in Hell?!" I sed.

 **Link: ... Continue with this B-movie plot.**

"Ya theyar" sed Gud Clon Sara.

"Ho can we fine tham? I meen, I no evul pepole go2 Hell wen they dye butt im strate anda Christen so ill go2 Hevan. Their hasto be anotter wey wecan get into Hell withot dieting" I sed.

 **Samus: Ah yes. So if you want to go to Hell, make SURE you act like Chris Pratt and diet like hell.**

"Ther wuz sumthin eels that Lauren and Katey tolled me" Gud Clon Sara sed "their r sevan kees that can get u thro the sevon sirkols off Hell 2 were God and Jesas r captar."

 **Link: Hm. So... the Dragonballs?**

 **Pit: Nah.**

 **Link: Yeah... BUT STILL.**

"OK so we ned 2 fine thes kees" sed Sholk

"Ya butt theres treble" sed Gud Clon Sara.

"Their alweys is..." I sed.

 **King: ... Did she just try to make a joke? Oh God, I think comedy's having a heart attack.**

* * *

 **-(MEANWHILE, IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE GENRES ARE PEOPLE SOMEHOW.)**

 **Comedy: (Kneels over and has a heart attack.)**

 **-(BACK TO WHAT WE WAS DOING.)-**

* * *

"Satin dosant jus leev thes kees lyan arond he givs tham 2 reely powarfel and impotent evul pepole" sed Gud Clon Sara.

 **Samus: I bet ten bucks they're all racist stereotyped versions of people from history who AREN'T American.**

 **Link: You could've kept your money, you clearly are gonna get it back.**

 **Pit: I BET VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS. (Throws a random cat on the pile.)**

 **King: ... Why?**

 **Cat: Mrow?**

"Do u no woh aney off thes pepole r?" I aksed.

"No" sed Gud Clon Sara "butt they hav 2 bee moar powarfel than Motel Fase and Zard becuz thos 2 didant hav aney keese. And Harey Potar didant hav 1 ether."

 **Samus: Ah, the one with the SPELL OF INSTA-DEATH.**

"Rite" I sed "Ho eels do we no whos evul?"

"Lauren prolly has 1!" sed Sholk.

"Taht sonds pritty likly" I sed "butt she an Kaeti runed awey so we dont no were theyar. And I dont thank Lucina or Gurl Roban wold hava kee becuz they wer gud untel not 2 lon ago."

"We hav 2 do sum reserch" sed Sholk.

 **Link: What, do you just look up 'Totally evil guys with the keys to Hell?'**

Me and Gud Clon Sara groned. I hatted reserch and sins Gud Clon Sara wuz my clon she hatted it 2.

 **King: I don't think so...**

 **Evil King: YEAH YA PUSSY!**

 **Everyone: ...**

 **King: (Slowly stuffs Evil King into hat.) You never existed...**

We had 2 go2 the librery off the manshan and fine boks abot evul pepole.

 **Link: NOT ANY BETTER DAMMIT.**

We retuned 2 the Manshan and wented 2 the reely hug librery.

"Crazi Hemp were r the boks abot evul pepole?" I sed.

"R u gona do sumthin intolerate with tham" sed Crapy Hans "becuz my bruther sed not 2 let u do that evan if u giv me munny."

 **Pit: Why... does an omnipotent being shaped like a glove... Need money?**

 **Samus: Why does Palutena?**

 **Pit: Hm... True...**

"No we jus ned 2 fine who the most powarfel and impotent evul pepole r" I sed.

"OK" sed Krazoa Hanes "Folo me 2 tha evul deportment."

Me and Gud Clon Sara and Sholk folod Crass Hound

 **King: (Barks crossly.)**

2 the evul boks. We fond sum boks with list of evul pepole init and cheked thos boks ot off the librery. It wented withot saiyan that Brock Obuma prolly had a kee, andif Lauren had 1 to that ment we onely had 2 fine were the otter five keese wer. Satin wuz obvesuly the moast impotent and powarfel evul persan butt he prolly didant kep a kee 4 himsalf.

"Im gessin Satin wold prolly want 2 spred the kees ot amon a buncha pepole frum a buncha difrant wrolds" sed Sholk "Lauren and Barak Obema prolly hav the onely 2 kees in the reel world so the otter muts be in tha difrant patrs of Nentindo Wrold."

"Rite" I sed. As we wer redin sudanly Ganandarf walk bye.

"Hey Ganandarf!" I sed.

"Wut?" he sed.

"Ur evul rite?" I sed.

 **Link: Where's this going?**

"Yes iam" he sed.

"Do u hav on off the kees 2 Hell?" I sed.

"Yes butt im not given it 2 u!" than he runed awey.

 **Link: HOW?! AND WHY CAN'T THAT HAPPEN TO ME DAMMIT!**

"Aftar him!" I sed. So Me and Gud Clon Sara and Sholk runed aftar Gandalf.

 **Samus: (Plays trumpet.)**

* * *

 **(Grabs trumpet.) MINE.**

 **Samus: Aw...**

 **Anyway, GUESS WHAT?! AS OF TODAY, AUGUST 2ND, I HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN ON HERE FOR A YEAR! CELEBRATE!**

 **(Random explosions.)**


	26. We're back, so, Yay?

The sound of a door slowly opening slowly could be heard, until King's hatted self sneaked in.

 _Please don't catch me-_

A light flicked on, revealing Link, Samus, and Pit, all holding varying levels of pain causing torture weapons.

Link was first to shout. "WHERE DA F*CK HAVE YOU BEEN?"

King held up his hands. "IT WAS SUMMER!"

Samus was next. "YOU WERE GONE FOR ALMOST TWO MONTHS!"

"I- PIT, WILL YOU PUT DOWN THE CHAINSAW."

Pit frowned, before putting the chainsaw down.

"SAME FOR YOU TWO."

Link and Samus begrudgingly put down the rhino and the barrel of butter. King sighed, before pulling out a pocket watch.

"Sh*t. I wonder if Yolo and Roxie even remembered..."

* * *

 **Location: Maximum Penitentiary for Crazy Authors.**

"I DID NOTHING!" Yolo shouted.

THe Judge sighed. "I wish..."

A Giant Cucco suddenly burst through the wall.

"..."

"Yo." King said.

"LINK, GRAB THE AUTHOR." Pit shouted.

Silence.

"Link?"

Link was getting pecked to death.

"GET. THIS. DEMON. OFF ME."

Samus dragged him away. King turned to the Judge and Yolo, stared at both, before grabbing Yolo and running.

* * *

A Braixen was sitting at a cafe, eating cookies.

 _Crunch._

"Sorry Roxie, but..." She was hit on the head and knocked out.

* * *

"Where-" Roxie opened her eyes to see King eating a sandwich.

"Yo."

"How- Wait... Killing Sara right?"

"Exactly."

"Ohhhhhhhhhh... You could've told me."

"Nah."

"... You are surprisingly calm."

"Had better days."

Yolo suddenly ran in with a giant sword. "GUYS WE GONNA DO STUFF AND IT GONNA BE GOOD!"

King nodded.

Link walked in with a large bag of weapons. "H-Help..."

Pit walked in with a sack of his weapons. "Shut up, I'm not complaining."

Samus walked in, carrying nothing. "I got more then EITHER if you!"

"WELL NO SH*T. THE THING IS YOU HAVE A SUIT."

"Look." King said. "We ready?"

Pit looked at King. "Gimme a sec." He reached behind King's ear and touched him in a specific spot. The sound of a motor whirring was heard, and King shot up.

"LET'S GO B*TCHES!" He ran out the door.

Yolo looked at Pit. "What did you do?"

"Hit his happy switch."

* * *

Sara was doing... Look, you KNOW she's gonna die, why bother telling you? Sara was doing her best thing. Being a Grade-A B*tch. There, happy now? Good. Regardless, Master Hand was about to throw her to the depths of hell, when the sound of a horn could heard, playing La Cucaracha. King burst in on a Murder Llama, with a horn strapped to it's head, and missile launchers for ears.

"SURPRISE ATTACK!"

"..." Master Hand floated back into his office.

"DIRTI LIBRUL, YU CANT STAP MI!"

"NO, BUT I CAN MAKE YOU REGRET EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE! AUTHORS, ATTACK!"

Yolo and Roxie burst in on attack pigeons, who shot Sara into the air with their laser vision.

"NOW..."

Nothing happened.

"GOD DAMMIT LINK."

"WHAT? HE WON'T COME OUT."

"JUST MAKE HIM."

The sound of metal being hit was heard, before Devastator from Transformers appeared, grabbed Sara, crushed her, and walked off.

"See?"

"... Let's just go home."

* * *

 **Yeah... Wooh boy was I gone a while. BUT I'M BACK NOW!**


End file.
